A Series of Strange Events
by MISS.SUNNYBAUDELAIRE
Summary: CHAPTER 13 IS UP! R&R PLZ! The Quagmires and Baudelaires go on a twisted adventure including Olaf and Esme. Promise you lots of laughs and randomness! If you just got through reading some sad stuff & wanna laugh, you've come to the right place. ;
1. Chapter 1

**This is my very 1****st**** story.**

**Awesome, I know, right, lol.**

**I've never written, nor typed, a story before.**

**This story is not all that sad, surprising, not really.**

**I'm so sorry that this chapter is so long, it took hours to type!**

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own ASOUE, unfortunately. I wish I did.**

**A Series of Strange Events**

**Chapter 1:**

**The Berserk Beginning**

Once upon a time, there was an elf named Bob. He had a singing unicorn for a pet, named Fluffy. Bob was the most littlest elf in all the of the villa-

I'm sorry, but this is not the story you will be reading. It has absolutely nothing to do with happy elves or singing unicorns. Instead, the story you will be reading is about, three orphans, two evil villains, some unfortunate news, and the adventure of their lives. If you choose not to read about such sadness, then I suggest you close this book, write all over it, throw it into a lake, put snake spit on it, cover it with dirt, then throw it into the fire in the fireplace to burn, never to be read again, and look for something happy like "The Littlest Elf", which can be found at your local library. Because all of the misfortune that will happen on the next paragraph is about to begin…

"Hey, wait a minute! I can write anymore! What's going on? My hand won't lift! Hey wait another measly minute-who are you?"

"I'm ! And I am taking over! This story is now mine! All mine! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

"Hey! You can't take over someone else's work like that! It simply won't d-

Your name is Sunny Baudelaire? That's ridiculous! Sunny is a fictional character!"

"Well never mind you! Since I am now in control-not _only_ will the Baudelaires be in it-but the Quagmires will too! Oh, and I know I'm not Sunny Baudelaire, she's just my favorite character-that's all!"

" Hey! You can't do that! They don't meet the Quagmires till the Fifth book! You're going to confuse everyone!"

" Well that's darn too bad! And since I am now in control-BE GONE!"

_(Lemony disappears)_

"There. Now that he's gone-I'll just continue the story in very big words until my head hurts! Now-on with the story!-Oh wait! One final detail…"

"This series will be hilarious."

"There. Okay!"

Their troubles started on the bay of Briny Beach. The day was foggy, so there were no people there to crowd it up. Well, there were people there-children I should say-who were all very clever and unreasonably attractive.

First, there were the three Baudelaire children. Violet, the eldest, was the most famous fourteen year old inventor her family and friends had ever known. If you knew Violet very well, you'd know that she'd always tie her hair up in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes while she would be thinking of something to invent. Currently, as she was skipping rocks, she was thinking of a way to invent a device that would retrieve the stone after she had skipped it. Her friend, Quigley, was giving her ideas. You must be confused on who this _Quigley_ is. Do not worry, I will mention him soon.

Klaus, the middle child and only boy, was a reader. Even though he was only twelve, he had read more books than any other twelve year old in the world. And he had the largest vocabulary. He had read shelves and shelves of books on almost every subject in his parents' library. You could say his mind was like a guide-telling you how to do something. Or you could say his mind was like a dictionary-telling you the definitions to usually large words. Currently, he was reading a book called, Fifteen Unusual Flowers That You Will Most Likely Never See with his friend Duncan. You are probably asking, _Who in heavens name is Duncan?_ Well my dear friend, don't fret. I will get to him later.

Sunny Baudelaire was the youngest. She liked to bite things with her four very sharp teeth. She would bite on any thing she could get her hands on, and spoke in a strange vocabulary that only her siblings could understand. I should also mention that young Sunny was no bigger than a loaf of bread and hadn't reached her walking stage yet because she was going through a gangster stage. Currently, she was biting on a stick while her good friend Isadora was tickling her. Now, I know you are asking who Isadora is, but I promise you I will get to her.

Finally, I may tell you about Quigley, Duncan, and Isadora Quagmire. These three thirteen year old children were triplets, and were very proud of being so.

First there was Quigley Quagmire. Quigley loved maps. He was an excellent map reader and if you ever wanted to know where Sicily was exactly, he'd tell you.

When I last left you with him, I had said he was giving Violet Baudelaire ideas for her invention. Although, as he was doing so, he was reading a map that had all of Russia on it.

Duncan Quagmire was the second child in his family. He loved doing research, and planned on being a reporter when he grew up. He knew practically all of what was going on in the world. While reading with Klaus, he was jotting down notes about the fifteen flowers that he would most likely never see.

Isadora Quagmire was the youngest, and obviously the only girl. She loved poetry, and had written quite a lot in her lifetime, which all were couplets. She was considered a fine poet to all she knew and loved, and had thirty-seven notebooks filled with original couplets. As she played with Sunny, she was thinking about a couplet she could write about how foggy the day was.

Yes, these six children where all very gifted and wealthy. For the Baudelaires lived with their parents in an enormous mansion, and had an enormous fortune to go with it. As with the Quagmires who also lived in an enormous mansion with their parents along with an enormous fortune of diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. Yes, you could say these children were all very lucky and fortunate. But all that was about to change as Sunny sat up and said, "Packo poo noo noo." which probably meant, "Look at that mysterious figure emerging from the fog."

This is where all of the misfortune begins. It's not to late to check out "The Littlest Elf."

Everyone heard Sunny's gibberish and looked at her strangely, at least the Quagmires did.

(Author's Note: Ok, my head hurts now!! No more big words!)

Quigley, who was a distance away, and did not have good hearing like Violet, yelled, "WHAT'D SHE SAY?!?''. You are probably wondering who he was yelling to. That can be easily answered- he was yelling to the world.

"Quigley," Violet whispered. "Yeah?" he asked in his normal happy tone. "YOU YELLED IN MY EAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Violet yelled this very loudly and while she was yelling, bits of spit came out of her mouth. She might as well have caused an earthquake. "Sorry," he whispered lower than Violet. "Thank you," she said in her happy way. When Violet wasn't looking, he put his finger in his ear and tried to see if he had any of Violet's spit in it . There wasn't any.

A distance away, they saw Klaus stand up move few feet away from Duncan, and yell, "SHE SAID, 'LOOK AT THAT MYSTERIOUS FIGURE EMERGING FROM THE FOG', AND STOP YELLING SO Y'LL CAN GET Y'LL'S SMALL BUTTS OVER HERE!!!"

Violet and Quigley ran over to where Mr. Poe was standing with the rest of the children.

"Children, I am afraid I must inform you all on an extremely unfortunate event," Mr. Poe said. All the children stared at him blankly, waiting for him to give the news. "I lost the lottery," he said sadly. The Baudelaires and the Quagmires began to pat him on the back.

"That's O.K, there's always next Saturday," Isadora comforted.

"Yes, yes of course. I mustn't weep. Anyways, that is not what I wanted to tell you six." Mr. Poe replied. Again, the children waited in silence. "Quagmires, you know your parents were at the Baudelaire mansion, correct?" Mr. Poe began. The Quagmires nodded. "Weeeellllll, welll, wel-," He was interrupted by shouts of: "GET TO THE POINT!!" by the children.

"O.K, O.K, be patient, wel-" Mr. Poe was again interrupted. Only this time by Duncan, "ENOUGH 'WELLS'! WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE STUPID STINKIN' EXTREMLY UNFORTUNATE EVENT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"QUIET! Now look the extremely unfortunate event is…is…the Baudelaire and Quagmire parents have perished in a, mysterious, terrible fire that burned down the entire Baudelaire mansion," said Mr. Poe.

For what seemed like hours, the children-or should I say, orphans-stared at Mr. Poe, not believing what they had just heard.

"Duncan?" Klaus asked. "Yeah?" Duncan replied. "Can we stay in your house?"

"Sure you c-," This time, Duncan was interrupted by Mr. Poe who said, "No can do, a mysterious fire burned down your house too." "Phooey," Duncan whispered.

Violet and Isadora looked at each other and hit their brothers at the same time.

"Ow!" Klaus and Duncan yelled at the same time.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CARING 'BOUT WHERE YOUR'E GOING TO STAY, IN STEAD OF THE SITUATION THAT JUST HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Violet and Isadora yelled at the same time.

"GABBA-GABBA FO FANNA!" Sunny yelled.

"Whaaat?" asked Isadora and Duncan at the same time.

"She said 'Look at Quigley'!"Violet and Klaus yelled at the same time.

They all turned to look at Quigley. Turned out Quigley had passed out.

"GASP!" yelled Violet.

"Sunny, go get me a wet towel." Violet ordered.

"WAKKA-NAKKA-GOO-POO-POO-REEP-CLAHG -WEK-SOULJA BOY!" Sunny yelled.

"She said 'Where am I going to get a wet towel?!?'," Violet translated.

Sunny ran off singing "Witch Doctor" in a chipmunk voice. She found a half buried bucket, ran to the water, filled the bucket with water, and ran back to the rest of the group. When she got to Quigley, she said, "Freaky, freaky, freaky…" and made a hand movement like she was singing a rap song. "…fresh," Sunny finished. When she said 'fresh', she poured the water on Quigley's face. Then threw the bucket aside, crossed her arms, and said, "Word."

The Quagmires stared at her. "Soulja Boy up in that oh!" Sunny sang while dancing the Soulja Boy. Everyone started at her. "Uh…Violet…no offense…but…um…your sister is scaring me," Isadora said.

" Your not alone. Everyone else is creeped out," Violet replied.

"Bakka-jokkartres-keenpiket-mer-rout!" Sunny yelled.

"FYI,SHE SAID 'Y'ALL ARE CREEPING ME OUT'!!" yelled Violet.

"By 'me' she meant Sunny," added Klaus so that he would have something to say.

"Enough!" yelled Quigley who looked really well and was standing next to Mr. Poe.

_(Cries of 'your okay', and, 'bakka-poo-poo' filled the air.)_

"ALRIGHT, I'M O.K! NOW LISTEN TO MR. POE! HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!!! Thank you for your time," screamed Quigley, with a normal tone at the end of his sentence.

"No, _thank you_. Anyways, I must take you to your new guardians. Well, actually to your guardian. Quagmires, your closest guardian is in Japan, and I cannot send you to that relative because they are currently in prison so you will just have to stay with the Baudelaires and their guardian. BTW, your guardians name is :Count Olaf. DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!" said Mr. Poe.

"You were a bit dramatic on that last part, and since when do you use btw?" asked Quigley.

"I don't care, I can say what I want to, I'm a man," whined Mr. Poe in a baby voice. "Now then, get in the car," ordered Mr. Poe.

For all seven people to fit in the five seat car, Klaus offered to sit in the passengers seat next to the drivers seat with Isadora. In the back seat {getting in from the right car door} sat Violet, Quigley, Duncan, & Sunny on Duncan's lap.

"WE ARE SQUISHED LIKE SARDINES!!" yelled Quigley in the crowded car.

"NO YELLING IN THE CROWDED CAR!!" yelled Mr. Poe.

"YOU'RE YELLING! HOW COME _YOU_ CAN YELL AND WE CAN'T?!?" yelled Quigley.

"BECAUSE _I _CAN! WHY ARE _YOU _YELLING ?!?" yelled Mr. Poe.

"JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT!!" yelled Quigley. This made the girls giggle.

"OH!" yelled Mr. Poe.

"YEAH, OH!!" yelled Quigley.

"CAN WE GET A MOVE ON?!? I'M STARVING BACK HERE!! LET'S GET A BURRITO!!" yelled Duncan.

"YES WE MAY, AND NO BURRITO!!" yelled Mr. Poe.

"CRAP!" yelled Duncan.

"SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Klaus.

That shut everyone up, except Duncan.

"But, I'm still hungry," said Duncan quietly.

"SHUT UUUUUUUPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!" everyone shouted.

"OK, OK, pushy people," murmured Duncan.

So the Baudelaire and Quagmire children-or should I say orphans-set off to their new guardian, who they hoped to be as sweet and kind as their parents used to be.

But I am ever so sorry to say, that their new guardian was the complete opposite of 'sweet and kind'.

**Did you like it? I know it's super long! This took so long to type! I wonder if I put too much detail. So, did you like it or not? Tell me in your review. {BTW} {The adventure won't happen until chapter 2.}{P.S.}{When I say this took hours, I mean it. On this notepad thingy, it's seven pages long!} **

**REVIEW PLZ!**

**;)**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you for all your reviews on my 1**__**st**__** chapter. **_

_**The time that I am typing is 8:34pm.**_

_**I would like to thank all my reviewers from the last chapter for the compliments.**_

_**Anyways, when you got to that part where it says "I'm ! And I'm taking over!" And so on, that is a typo. I meant to put "I'm !" And so on and so forth. So, yeah.**_

_**When I put 'y'll', I meant to put 'y'all'. That was before I knew how to spell it.**_

_**Disclaimer: No, I do not own ASOUE. That sucks.**_

_**A Series of Strange Events**_

_**Chapter 2:**_

_**The Berserk Beginning**_

"_Is she gone? Is she really gone??"_

"_Good. I will have to start the story over. I will use a different introduction. The last one bored me. Anyways…"_

_If you have ever peeled an onion, then you know that the first thin, papery layers reveals another, and another, and another, and before you know it you have hundreds of layers all over the kitchen table and thousands of tears in your eyes, sorry that you ever started peeling in the first place and wishing that you had left the onion alone to wither away on the shelf of the pantry while you went on with your life. Even if it meant never again enjoying-_

"_Oh no, not again!"_

"_I'm baaaaaaaaack!!! Lemony Snicket, what in the world do you think you are doing?!?"_

"_Uhhhhh, trying to finish the story the way it is supposed to be while you were on your lunch break. Oh no! I shouldn't have said that! Why did I say that? I wasn't controlling myself!"_

"_I didn't tell you I was a wizard. I used that 'some are evil some are kind' spell thingy. Anyways, BUH-BYE!"_

_Poof! _

"That Snicket can really get on your nerves. Oh well…on with the story."

I last left you when the Baudelaires and Quagmires were squished like sardines in Mr. Poe's car. Two minutes into the drive, Klaus shouted, "STOP!!"

Mr. Poe quickly stopped the car and almost drove into a ditch.

Klaus quickly opened up the book he was holding to a certain page. On the right was a picture of an unusual flower. On the left was just a description. Klaus put the book on the window. A few feet away, was a flower identical to the one in the in the book. Klaus quickly grabbed an empty coffee cup that was in a cup holder that Mr. Poe spit in. Klaus threw open the car door and ran outside.

"KLAUS JEFFERY BAUDELAIRE lll! WHAT IN PETE'S NAME ARE YOU DOING???!!!???" yelled Violet.

"YO DUNCAN, COME REST YOUR EYES ON THIS!" yelled Klaus to Duncan who was trying to sleep at the moment, but couldn't because Klaus just happened to be yelling at him.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'," muttered Duncan who was very sleepy and wanted to lie down on the sand of the beach and go to sleep.

"HURRY!" urged Klaus.

"I'M COMIN', I'M COMIN'!" yelled Duncan who was now more frightened than sleepy after the yell he just got from Klaus.

When Duncan finally got to Klaus-who was on his knees in front of a flower-he threw a tantrum.

"KLAUS JEFFERY BAUDELAIRE lll! YOU YELLED AT ME TO GET UP FROM MY BEAUTY SLEEP FOR THIS?!? A STUPID STINKIN' FLOWER?!? WHY I OUGHTA…"

{Well…well…he said some things. I don't want to put them on here. I'll just put what was happening while he was yelling.}

"Gappa-iti-thra-wappa-tit-Duku-yapoin-adut?" asked Sunny, who was very scared by the way Duncan was yelling at Klaus. To her, Duncan looked like an angry Japanese man who was yelling his head off.

"Uh…" said Quigley absent-mindly.

"O…m…j…" was Violet reply.

"UH…?!?" said Quigley who said it much louder than he did the last time.

"OH! She said 'What in the world is Duncan yelling about?' " Violet finally answered.

"What are you talking about? Duncan is not-" Isadora said this while smiling, until she looked out the window of the car.

"O…m…j…" Isadora said this while watching Duncan shaking his fists in the air. To her, Duncan looked like angry Japanese man who was yelling his head off too.

"I know…right?" responded Violet to Isadora's absent-minded opinion on what was currently occurring.

"He looks like an angry Japanese man who is yelling his head off," said Isadora saying her full opinion on what was currently occurring.

"Exwactly," Sunny was also staring at Duncan's shaking fists in the air and absent-mindly said this.

"I know…right?" everyone said, even Mr. Poe who was distracted by the yelling of Duncan Quagmire.

Everyone looked at Mr. Poe because he has been quiet for so long.

"This is better than T.V.," said Mr. Poe who did not notice that everyone was staring at him. While he was saying this, he pulled large bag of popcorn out of nowhere.

{That is all that happened while Duncan was yelling. Apparently, Duncan has been yelling for quite some time. Anyways…}

"You know, you just wasted your breath yelling at me. BEFORE I WAS RUDELY INTERUPPTED, I was going to tell you that this ain't no ordinary flower," Klaus felt like yelling in part of sentence because he felt like it, and because he did not get to say anything in the past few minutes.

"Look at this picture. It's the exact same picture of the flower your looking at right now," Klaus said this in a 'matter of factly' tone.

"You mean," Duncan began, "that I JUST WASTED MY BREATH FOR ABOUT WHO KNOWS HOW MANY MINUTES?!? YOU COULD HAVE INTERUPPTED ME WHILE I WAS YELLING!" Of course it is obvious that Duncan was very mad at Klaus because he did not interrupt him, and let him waste his breath and time.

Meanwhile, the people in the car were eating some of Mr. Poe's popcorn that he grabbed out of thin air. Everyone was thinking the exact same thing, which is not enough to make this chapter long. Everyone was thinking the exact same thing, which is not enough to make this chapter long. Everyone was thinking the exact same thing, which is not enough to make this chapter long. Everyone was thinking the exact same thing, which is not enough to make this chapter long. Everyone was thinking the exact same thing, which is not enough to make this chapter long.

What they were all thinking was 'Duncan looks like an angry Japanese man who is yelling his head off'.

As if Klaus did not hear a word that Duncan said-and yelled-he said, "Duncan, PAY ATTENTION! This picture in the book that we were reading. Do you know what this means?" Klaus asked.

"That we _are_ getting a burrito?" Duncan guessed.

"No."

"That we can go meet Selena Gomez?"

"No."

"That our parents are _not_ dead?"

"No."

"Wait their not dead?"

"No, their-"

"WEEEEEE!!!!WEEEEEEEEE!!!!WEEEEEEEE!!!!WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" yelled Duncan who was now running around in a circle in delight.

"Yes they are-STOP IT!" yelled Klaus who was now frustrated by the continuous cries of 'WEEEEEEEE!!!!' from Duncan. To stop the cries of 'WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!' s, Klaus grabbed him by the arms and yelled 'STOP!'. Which-of course-was in the last piece of dialogue you read.

Meanwhile-while Duncan was running around in a circle shouting 'WEEEEEEEE!!!!'-

the people in the car were all thinking the same thing. Since everyone was thinking the exact same thing, it's not enough to make this chapter long. Since everyone was thinking the exact same thing, it's not enough to make this chapter long. Since everyone was thinking the exact same thing, it's not enough to make this chapter long. Since everyone was thinking the exact same thing, it's not enough to make this chapter long. Since everyone was thinking the exact same thing, it's not enough to make this chapter long.

What they were thinking was 'Duncan looks like a very happy Japanese man running around in a circle shouting 'WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!' '.

Back with Klaus yelling at Duncan to stop running around.

"Duncan, yes our parents _are_ dead, and no, that's not what it means!"

"Does it mean we're going to meet Goldfinger? 'YOU AND I IN A LITTLE TOY SHOP, AND A BAG OF BALLONS WITH THE MONEY WE GOT! SET THEM FREE AT THE BREAK OF DAWN, 1 BY1, THEY WE-"

"NO IT DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE GONNA MEET GOLDFINGER!!!!" yelled Klaus who was again, frustrated, by the very stupid guesses of Duncan.

The people in the car were all thinking the same thing. That is not enough to make this chapter long. The people in the car were all thinking the same thing. That is not enough to make this chapter long. The people in the car were all thinking the same thing. That is not enough to make this chapter long. The people in the car were all thinking the same thing. That is not enough to make this chapter long. The people in the car were all thinking the same thing. That is not enough to make this chapter long.

Everyone was thinking 'Duncan looks like a very happy Japanese man playing air guitar'.

Now back to Klaus and Duncan.

"If it doesn't mean we're gonna meet Goldfinger, then what does it mean?" Duncan asked with his hopes down, because they were not getting a burrito, they weren't going to meet Selena Gomez, their parents were not alive, and they were not going to meet Goldfinger.

"What you're looking at, Duncan, is one of the flowers that you will most likely never see. This flower, Duncan, this flower, can teleport you _anywhere_."

"Really?"

"Really."

"How does it work?"

"Duncan! Did you _not_ pay attention to what you were reading?!?"

"Maybe," muttered Duncan looking down at his_ Selena Gomez t-shirt_.

"What am I gonna do with you? It-" Klaus was interrupted by three people.

Suddenly, out of nowhere appeared Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, & Voldemort.

They ran straight at Duncan yelling in a girlish voice, "I LOVE YOU JAPANESE MAN!!"

Then they screamed.

"AAAGGGHHH!!!!!"

Duncan yelled and screamed and ran away.

"AAAGGGHHH!!!!! WHO ARE YOU CRAZY PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Klaus just stared and stared. Until he finally said, "Yeah…he's a Japanese man and I'm Joe Jonas." Of course he said it sarcastically, but saying that was a big mistake.

Immediately after he said that, a bunch of girls-or should I say 5 tons of girls-popped up out of nowhere screaming, "I LOVE YOU JOE JONAS!!!!!"

Back to the people in the car.

They were all thinking the same thing, that's not enough to make this chapter long. They were all thinking the same thing, that's not enough to make this chapter long. They were all thinking the same thing, that's not enough to make this chapter long. They were all thinking the same thing, that's not enough to make this chapter long. They were all thinking the same thing, that's not enough to make this chapter long.

They were thinking 'Duncan looks like a very weirded out Japanese man. While Klaus looked like a very scared Chinese man'. They watched Duncan run by, followed by Harry, Ron, and Voldemort. Then they watched Klaus run by, followed by 10,000 girls. After his second run by the car, Klaus ran straight to the car. He tried to open the door, but it was locked.

He mouthed the words 'Help Me', and grabbed the window-well, he tried to.

Everyone shook their heads and mouthed "Noooo".

Up came the girls and they ran him over. It was like an ocean with a bunch of waves.

Klaus's fingers on the window began to slip.

"No, no…no, no, no, no, no, no, no," Klaus said as he began to sink in the ocean of girls.

Then he sunk.

When he did, everyone leaned over to look through Isadora's window.

"Sweet," Quigley said breaking the silence.

"Totally," said Mr. Poe as if he was a surfer dude.

Everyone slowly turned their heads to look at Mr. Poe. Then they turned their heads back to the scene that was currently occurring.

Next came Duncan, he ran over to the car door. He was lucky to lose Harry, Ron, and Voldy. Just his luck when all the girls turned their heads to him and screamed, "I LOVE YOU KEVIN JONAS!!!"

The same thing that happened to Klaus, happened to Duncan.

"Goopa-gabba-mspo-tre-tit-bakt-telm-ty," said Sunny.

"She said 'You were right Mr. Poe, this _is_ better than T.V.'," Violet translated.

Right after that, Klaus and Duncan were lifted up into the air as if they were surfing the crowd, and was liking it.

But that is the complete opposite of what they were doing. They were not surfing the crowd. They just happened to be hoisted into the air by 10,000 girls. And they were certainly not liking it one bit.

Klaus had to yell to hear himself yell to Duncan, "DUNCAN, GET THE-OOF-FLOWER!!"

"HOW?!?"

"I DON'T KNOW, FIGURE IT OUT!!"

"OTAY!!!"

"Did he just say 'OTAY'?" asked Isadora.

"Guess so," answered Mr. Poe, who just happened to be pulling out another bag of popcorn out of nowhere.

Outside on the ocean of girls, Duncan was trying to stand up. He got up on his first try by the help of the girls, who yelled, "ANYTHING FOR YOU, KEVIN!!"

_Hmm…anything for me…_Duncan thought.

"DUNCAN, ASK THEM-"

"SHUT YOUR TRAP, KLAUS! I KNOW JUST WHAT TO ASK FOR!"

"SOMEONE GET ME A BURRITO…AND SOME NACHOS…WITH COCA-COLA ICEE…AND DOUBLE CHEESE PIZZA!!!!!" Duncan ordered.

"HERE YOU GO, MY LOVE!!!" yelled one of the girls, handing him a big tray with:

1)A Burrito

2)Some Nachos

3)Coca-Cola Icee

4)A Double Cheese Pizza

"DUNCAN!!!!!!"

"OK, OK!!!PUSHY PEOPLE!!" Then he said, "Here, hold this for me," to a random girl who fainted when she grabbed it.

"GET YOUR BUTT OVER TO THAT FLOWER, DUNCAN!!"

"I'M GOING TO! SO QUIT YO' YAPPIN'!!!"

Duncan lifted his left foot, and began to walk. It was easy for him to walk, since all the girls loved him. When he got to the spot he needed to be, he got down on his stomach.

"Hey, you, could pick up that flower through the dirt, and put it in that cup, and give it to me?" Duncan said to a random girl. The girl fainted. "Guess not," was his reply to her action. "I'll do it!" said another random girl. She was literally random.

"ELEPHANT! Sorry," said the random girl.

"O…kay," Duncan began, "you can do it."

"Yay!" cheered the random girl, and she quickly got it done.

"Thanks," said Duncan, then the random girl fainted.

"YO KLAUS, I GOT IT!" yelled Duncan, who was beginning to stand up. While he was doing that, he held up the flower in the cup.

"GET TO THE CAR!" Klaus yelled back.

"SURE! EASY-PEASY-LEMON SQUEEZY!"

"JUST GET TO THE CAR!!!" screamed Klaus.

It was a few minute walk, since he was walking on top of girls. Klaus was closer to the car, so he got to the door before Duncan did.

"SUNNY, OPEN THE DOOR!" yelled Duncan to Sunny when he was right outside the car door.

"ISADORA, OPEN THE DOOR!" yelled Klaus to Isadora when he was right outside the car door.

Isadora and Sunny opened the doors at the same time.

Klaus and Duncan got in at the same time.

Klaus and Duncan quickly closed the doors at the same time.

_Bump…Bump…_

"OMJ!" yelled Violet in the crowded car.

"WHAT IN PETE'S NAME IS GOING ON HERE?!?" yelled Mr. Poe in the crowed car.

"EITHER THE CAR IS FLYING, OR THOSE SCREAMING GIRLS ARE LIFTING THE CAR OFF THE GROUND!!" yelled Quigley in the crowded car.

"DUNCAN, GIVE ME THE CUP!!" yelled Klaus in the crowded car.

"ERGO!!" yelled Duncan in the crowded car.

"ISADORA, TAKE MY HAND!!" yelled Klaus in the crowded car as thunder rang, and rain began to pour.

"Oooo, how romantic," said Violet to Klaus in the crowded car.

"Shut-up!" yelled Klaus to Violet in the crowded car as Isadora took his hand.

"OK, ISADORA, TAKE DUNCAN'S HAND, DUNCAN TAKE SUNNY'S, SUNNY TAKE VIOLET'S AND SO ON AND SO FORTH!" yelled Klaus to everyone in the crowded car.

"MR. POE, TAKE MY PINKIE!" yelled Klaus to Mr. Poe in the crowded car.

When Mr. Poe did so, Klaus attempted to touch the middle part of the flower. The petals turned to razor sharp blades that can cut off your finger with one slice. After the second attempt, Klaus saw letters beginning to form on the middle of the flower like ink on paper. These letters said:

_**V**_._**F.D**_

And in small letters below it was:

**The world is quiet here…**

Beneath _that_, was a small yellow button. So small, you would have to get a magnifying glass to see how it should be operated, but _they_ didn't know that. They were too busy looking at the three letters etched on the flowers.

"V…F…D…" Isadora muttered this under her breath as the letters appeared. Then, her face got all scared looking as if she knew what it was.

"What is V.F.D?" Violet asked her brother.

Klaus looked over at Isadora and saw how scared she looked. Ignoring his sister, he said, "ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP!"

Then, he pushed the middle just as a blade was about to slice off his finger. Suddenly, a black dot appeared on the windshield. And it got bigger, and bigger, and-lets just say it was so big , it covered up the whole entire windshield.

"WHAT IN PETE'S NAME IS GOING ON HERE?!?" shouted Duncan.

"WHAT IN PETE SNICKERS'S NAME IS GOING ON HERE?!?" shouted Quigley.

"WHAT IN PETE SNICKERS lll'S NAME IS GOING ON HERE?!?" shouted Mr. Poe.

"WHO IN PETE SNICKERS lll'S NAME IS PETE SNICKERS lll?!?" shouted Klaus.

"I DON'T-OW!" cried Violet. Turned out, that one of Mr. Poe's son's basketball hit Violet in the head going forward toward the windshield, and went into the blackhole looking thingy that covered the windshield. Then the driving wheel, the stick that Sunny was biting on, and Sunny, flew into the blackhole.

You are probably thinking: _This is so confusing, shouldn't Duncan be in the seatbelt, and with him, Sunny, who is also supposed to be in the seatbelt???_

Of course, it's _supposed _to be that way. Unfortunately, that was not how it was. If you go back to the scene where Duncan gets in the car away from the screaming girls, you would think he put Sunny in his lap and put the seatbelt on both of them. That is almost entirely wrong. When Duncan got in away from the screaming girls, yes, he put Sunny in his lap, but no, he did not put the seatbelt on both of them. Infact, he didn't even bother to put his seatbelt on. It did not even cross his mind that a big blackhole would suck Sunny up into who-knows-where.

Now that all that explaining is done, on with the story…

When Sunny was pulled into the blackhole, Violet just _had_ to cry out, "SUNNY!"

Once Violet yelled this, she took off-more like threw off-her seatbelt, she jumped into the blackhole.

"VIOLET!" shouted Quigley, and he jumped into the blackhole.

"QUIGLEY!" shouted Isadora, and she jumped into the blackhole.

"ISADORA!" shouted Klaus, and he jumped into the blackhole.

"KLAUS! I MEAN KLAUS AND FRIENDS! I DON'T WANNA SOUND GAY!" shouted Duncan, and he jumped into the blackhole.

"DUNCAN AND FRIENDS!!!!" shouted Mr. Poe, and he tried to jump into the blackhole, but couldn't. That is only because, 30 seconds after Duncan jumped in, the blackhole disappeared. You would think that Mr. Poe would make it in time. But he didn't.

Only because he was really fat at the time, and couldn't move when he took his seatbelt off.

When the blackhole disappeared, Mr. Poe shouted, "DUNCAN AND FRIENDS, NOOOOOOOO! Oh well, massage time!"

Then right out of nowhere, three thin ladies showed up, lowered the seat, flipped him over, and began to massage him.

While Mr. Poe was enjoying his time getting a massage, Violet, Klaus, Sunny, Quigley, Duncan, and Isadora were flying through the blackhole. Yes, they were scared out of their wits, and bored from all the screaming they had left to do when they saw the continuous swirls ahead of them.

What was even more scary, was the thought that they had no idea where they were going.

**Did you like it? Did you hate it? Review! Oh! And that part where Klaus says "ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP!", {the following statement is only for those who did not get it.} He said it because he saw how scared Isadora looked. Anyways, REVIEW! Oh, and I finished this at 1:44 am on a whole different day. Again, REVIEW!**

**;) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey!!!! Guess what? I reviewed my own story! Twice! It's fun, seriously try it.**

**Reviewers to thank from the last chapter:**

**Happy-what confused you?**

**Ms. VioletB. Hollister&**

**The sudoku kid**

**From the 1****st**** chapter:**

**Ms. VioletB. Hollister**

**MissVioletBaudelarie13**

**Smily**

**The sudoku kid&**

**brose**

**And others that I did not list.**

**I don't like the way my chapter 2 started. It was a typo. And I did not know how to edit the chapters till now.**

**Disclaimer: I do **_**not **_**own ASOUE for cryin' out loud!**

**A Series of Strange Events**

**Chapter 3:**

**The Berserk Beginning**

Snicket- "Third times the charm…""She's gone?!? For real?!?…"

"PARTY OVER HERE!! OOO-OOO!! PARTY OVER THE-""Oh, sorry you had to see that. Anyways…"

Once upon a tim-

Me-"MR. SNICKET! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT INTERFEREING WITH MY WORK?!?!?!?!?!?"

Snicket-"To not to do it,"

Me-"THAT'S RIGHT, GO BOTHER_ SOMBODY ELSE'S _WORK, LIKE MY SISTER'S!!!"

Snicket- "OTAY!"

_POOF!_

Me- "lol, he doesn't even know who my sister is. OKAY! On with the story…''

I last left you when Mr. Poe was getting a massage, not caring about what was happening meanwhile. Meanwhile, the orphans were screaming for their lives, for they knew not where they were going. Yes, they were very bored because-as I said before-they saw all the continuous swirls ahead of them. I will end the story here. Do not pay attention to that last sentence. That was a typo. I meant to put…I will end the paragraph here.

Seeeeeeeee?!? I did not lie…unlike _some_ dishonest people. Just plain'.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed everyone.

After about one minute, Violet yelled, "I'M TIRED OF SCREAMING!"

"O.K THEN LET'S STOP! I MEAN-let's stop," agreed Quigley.

"At least we can hear ourselves over the wind, it's not even that loud. Come to think of it, it's not even loud at all," Klaus said knowingly.

"I STILL WANT A BURRITO!!!WAAAAAAHHHHHH! I WAS THIS CLOSE TO GETTING A BURRITO, SOME NACHOS, WITH COCA-COLA ICEE, AND A DOUBLE CHEESE PIZZA!!!!!WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" shouted Duncan, who was very desperate for a burrito, some nachos, a coca-cola icee, and a double cheese pizza.

"OOOOOOOOO!!! A BURRITO!!!!!!!" yelled Duncan when he saw a burrito. The burrito wasn't small, or big. About the size of both your hands put together.

{About 75%of the people that read the last sentence will put their hands together}

Duncan tried to stand up once he saw it, but couldn't, because their was nothing to stand up on.

Duncan trying to stand up: "UGH!!!UGH!!!UGH!!!!_UGH_!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

During the first three 'UGH's, Duncan kept falling forward. But on the last and final 'UGH', he fell backward, again, and again, and again. Just kept on falling backward in a circle. He would fall backward so much, he would be in an upright position. Then fall backward again.

"HEY, STOP IT ALL RIGHT, WE'RE STILL FALLING AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE, SO IM PRETTY SURE WE DON'T NEED YOUR 'AGGGHHH!'!" Klaus yelled this to Duncan when he caught Duncan from further fall backwardness.

"I-BUBBA-LO-LL-BUURR-" this was Duncan when Klaus still had a firm grip, and Duncan frightened about what was behind Klaus, Isadora, Violet, Sunny, and Quigley. It wasn't behind Duncan because he was the one who was looking at it.

When everyone had doubts that Duncan was going to stop his babbling, they all shouted, "GET TO THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!" Except Sunny, who shouted, "GUWABBLA-NAK-PODGHAT!!!!"

Duncan's final answer was, "BIG… FAT… GIANT… BURRITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Lol, Duncan, lol. Everyone knows that is no such thing as a big fat giant burrito…" Isadora, again, said this while smiling, until she looked down to the direction they were falling.

And then, Violet broke into a loud song…"MAMMA-MIA, HERE I GO AGAIN! MY, MY, HOW CAN I RESIST YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?MAMMA-MIA, DOES IT SHOW AGAIN?!?!?!?!? MY, MY, JUST HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?YES,I'VE BEEN BROKE-"

"VIOLET!!!!AN INVENTION WOULD BE VERY GREAT RIGHT NOW!!!!!" shouted everyone. Immediately after that sentence, Violet snapped into the real world and tied her hair up in her ribbon to keep it out of her eyes while she was thinking of a plan.

"OKAY, OKAY!!!WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO USE THOSE DOORS AROUND US, THOUGH!!" which was from, of course, Violet.

"WHATEVER!!!JUST COME UP WITH A STUPID STINKIN' INVENTION!!!!!!" yelled everyone to Violet.

"SUNNY, GO BITE OFF THOSE DOORKNOBS, QUIGLEY, I'M GONNA NEED THAT WOODEN DOOR! FYI SUNNY, I JUST NEED 6 DOORKNOBS!" obviously, this was from Violet. "KLAUS, I'M GONNA NEED THE SCREWS FROM THE DOORKNOBS!!!" again-from Violet.

"AFTER THAT, I'M GONNA NEED ISADORA AND DUNCAN TO STAB THE DOOR WITH THE SCREWS UNTIL THE SCREWS ARE STUCK IN IT!!!" and we _all_ know who said _that._

Then, Duncan had something to ask Violet, which might have been a smart question for a very weird guy, "BUT WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!?"

"I'M DOIN' IT RIGHT NOW," Violet began, "BOSSIN' YA'LL TO DO STUFF!!"

"YO VI, I GOT THE SCREWS! WHAT DO I DO WITH THEM?!?" asked Klaus.

"KLAUS! DID YOU NOT HEAR A WORD I SAID?!? GIVE THEM TO DUNCAN AND ISADORA!!!" I do not have to put who said that, because we all know who said it.

You are probably wondering why these people were screaming. This can be easily answered. If a big, fat, giant, burrito, was about to run into you and suck you into the depths of it's meat, then you would probably scream at the people around you too. Unless, you would want to sink into the depths of the burrito's meat. Duncan-of course-wanted to sink into the depths of the meat-to eat it. You are probably wondering why Duncan is yelling if he _wants_ to sink into the depths of the meat. This can be easily answered also. He was just _so bored_, he wanted the whole world to hear what he was saying-or perhaps-yelling.

So Duncan and Isadora got the screws through, and Violet ordered them around some more, "ALRIGHT, SINCE I'VE BEEN DOING NOTHIN', I'LL SCREW IN _1_ KNOB, THE REST OF YOU, SCREW THE REST ON, OR WE'LL BE RUN OVER BY A GIANT BURRITO AND SINK INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE MEAT!!!!!"

When all the knobs were screwed in, Violet yelled, "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE GRAB ONE DOORKNOB!!!!!"

Everyone did that, except Duncan. "DUNCAN!! GRAB A DOORKNOB!!" do I _really_ have to put who said that? It was obviously Violet. The following dialogues will be a conversation between Violet and Duncan. Starting with Duncan. Because the last piece of dialogue you read was from Violet.

"I DON'T WANNA!!!!! I'M HUNGRY, I'M THIRSTY, AND I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!! AND IN THAT GIANT BURRITO, I CAN DO IT ALL!! THAT BURRITO CAN BE MY NEW HOUSE FOR ALL I CARE!!!"

"DUNCAN, THAT WAS A LITTLE TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!"

The wind that wasn't so loud before, got louder now. At first, these people had a reason-or some might say, excuse-to yell. Now they actually had a perfectly good reason to be yelling at each other. The wind was too loud. If you would not be screaming because you would be about to be run over by a burrito and sink into the depths of the meat, then you certainly would be yelling at your fellow blackhole mates if the wind got louder. And the conversation between Duncan and Violet continues until I type in bold letters, the word 'stop'.

"WELL THAT'S A DARN TOO BAD!!"

"DUNCAN, THIS A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH!!! IF YOU DON'T GRAB A KNOB IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS, YOU WILL _DIE_ IN THIS BLACKHOLE!! KLAUS, COUNT DOWN FROM 10!"

**STOP.**

"UHH, VIOLET! I DON'T THINK THAT BURRITO IS ALL MEAT AND CHEESE!!" yelled Isadora.

"O...M…J! DUNCAN, GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!!! THAT BURRITO HAS RAZOR SHARP RAZORS SPINNING AROUND IT!! I DON'T THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO _USE_ THE BURRITO AT ALL!!"

Then, just as the burrito was about to hit him, he jumped-or should I say, lunged, because there was nothing to jump off of-on top of Klaus.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed everyone in a girlish voice.

The burrito with razors broke the wooden door into pieces. Violet, Klaus, Duncan-now on top of Isadora-Isadora, Sunny, and Quigley had a big piece of wood to hold on too. You are probably wondering how Duncan got from Klaus's back to Isadora's back. This can be easily answered. When the giant burrito with razors hit the wooden door, it cut through Klaus's part of the door first. That frightened him. It made him jump. It made him jump so much, that Duncan jumped off his back, onto Isadora's back. The burrito with razors kept on attacking the orphans. You would probably think, that the burrito would continue to go up. That is the way the burrito with razors was going, but the burrito with razors was being controlled and did not continue to go up.

"DUNCAN!!!GET YOUR-AGGHH-BUTT OFF MY BACK!!!!!" we all know who said _that_. If you don't know who said that, here is a question that will help you find out:

Who's back is Duncan on, find the answer in the last paragraph you read.

Isadora screamed in between her sentence because one of the razors cut off one of her sleeves, and almost her arm. Duncan obeyed her and jumped onto another big piece of wood.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Isadora.

Turned out, the burrito sliced up the board she was on, sliced a big rip in the bottom of her shirt, and put a hole in bottom the skirt she was wearing.

Then, out of nowhere, these giant hands showed up, and lifted Isadora into the air.

"ISADORA!!!" yelled Klaus.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

screamed Isadora.

"KLAUS!!!" screamed Isadora.

Just then, the burrito with razors disappeared, and the hands threw Isadora through one of the doors floating around them. After that, it grabbed the door, and flew _up_. Which was the opposite direction that the orphans were falling. When all was quiet, Sunny said, "Glabber…wabbler…babbler…"

"She said 'o…m…j…', which is so right," Violet translated.

"Wow Klaus, that was _so_ dramatic. SWEET!!!!!I LOVE REALITY DRAMATIC STUFF!!!!!!THAT WAS _GENIUS_!!!DO IT AGAIN!!!!!" who else would've said that _but_ Duncan? Nobody. That's how you know it's Duncan.

"He, he. Klaus _fancies_ Isadora. He, he," surprisingly, this was from Quigley.

"I DO NOT!!! SHE'S YOUR YOUNGEST SISTER!!!YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED!!!SHE'S LUCKY AT LEAST SOMEBODY, LIKE ME, SHOWED THEY WERE WORRIED!!!" protested Klaus.

"STOP SHOUTING!!! Look, Klaus has a point. You both should be ashamed! For all we know, she could be put to death after what just happened!!! Well, she probably will if we don't get to her in time," put in Violet.

You are probably wondering why they stopped shouting at each other if the wind got louder. This can be easily answered. The wind got louder when the burrito with razors got closer to the orphans. Big, fat, giant burritos with razors should take up a lot of wind. Anyways, when the burrito with razors disappeared, the wind got quieter, and quieter, and quieter, until it was so quiet, you could speak in your regular voice again.

"Wagghjaser!!" yelled Sunny.

"What in the world did that baby say?" asked Quigley.

"She said 'Well!!', by that she means-well!! What're we gonna do now?!?" translated Violet again. The following piece of dialogue you are about to read will be from Violet.

"Seriously, what _are _we gonna do?" she said this in a questioned voice.

"LOO-LOO-LOO, LA-LA-LA!! LOO-LOO-LOO, LA-LA-LA!! LOO-LO-" who else could have said this? We all know who said this. One word. Duncan. He was interrupted by everyone, _except_ Isadora, shouting, "DUNCAN!!! YOU'RE OFF SUBJCET!!!!"

"OK, OK!! Pushy people," again, Duncan.

"Uhh, I really think that we should be thinking of a way to save Isadora," suggested Quigley.

"Yeah," Klaus began, "Violet, any ideas?"

"Well, I have thought of _one _idea. But it's probably not gonna work. I haven't even thought out the whole plan yet,"

"Well, tie it up and get thinkin', we got a lot of work to do," said Quigley clapping his hands together.

Violet smiled at him and tied up her hair. The gears in her mind began to work.

"Alright," she began "we're gonna either knives or forks. I prefer forks, they're less dangerous incase one of us falls…" her voice drifted off in thought.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fall? You mean we're gonna climb _up_ into the unknown backholeness??" asked Klaus.

"WAIT A MINUTE, FALL?!? YOU MEAN WE'RE GONNA CLIMB _UP_ INTO THE UNKNOWN BLACKHOLENESS????!!!!????" shouted Duncan.

"Yup. It's the only way we can save Isadora. Besides, don't you wanna save your _girlfriend_?" asked Violet in a mocking way.

"SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!" we all know who _that_. Who else would have a crush on Isadora _but_ Klaus? A lot of other guys, but I'm talking about the ones she was with before she was thrown to the other side of a door.

"Whatever," said Violet, not paying a bit of attention to what he yelled.

"Violet," said Quigley.

"Yeah??" asked Violet.

"The invention…" reminded Quigley.

"OH! Right! Gotcha!" after she said that, she began mumbling words. At this point into the story, you are probably thinking 'Sunny is awful quiet. Why?'. This can also be easily answered. Sunny pulled out a bag of popcorn out of nowhere when Duncan got off subject. She's currently almost out of popcorn.

"GASP!!SOMETHING STINKS!!" yelled Duncan.

"Sori," apologized Sunny.

"EWWWWW!SUNN-" Duncan was interrupted

"We know Duncan," interrupted Violet, who randomly went inside a random diaper changing room.

After about one minute, Klaus said, "She was never good at changing diapers. This could take some time,"

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm not waitin' around here. I'm going to go up and show those big fat meanie hand butts how _macho_ I am," said Duncan, starting to climb the doors and jump to a door closest to it.

"Which one?" asked Klaus.

The boys began to giggle. Which is weird because only girls giggle.

"You two are just jealous because y'all ain't _macho_, like me!" stated Duncan.

"Whatever Duncan, I don't know about you Quigley, but I'm climbin' up," which was from Klaus.

"Yo Duncan, a little help??" asked Klaus.

"Sure dude! Anything for da' dudes!! Yeeeah, boy!! Hey Klaus, guess what??"

"What??"

"Ello," Duncan said this in a British accent.

"Ello," Klaus also said this in a British accent.

"What u-"

"Duncan, just help me up!!"

"OK, OK, pushy people,"

"Great, I'm on top of a door. Yeah, dream come true," said Klaus.

"You know, climbing on top of these doors will just waste the time Violet spent thinking of a plan to get us out of here and save Klaus's girlfriend," said Quigley.

"For the last time, SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever," said Quigley and Duncan, who didn't pay attention to what Klaus yelled.

"Well, I finally got it done," said Violet when she finally came out of the random diaper changing room, Sunny in arms. Once she closed the door, it disappeared.

"Hmm…good thing I didn't close the door all the way," Violet said.

"VIOLET!! VIOLET!! THEY'RE LETTING YOUR PLAN GO TO WASTE, CLIMBING THE DO-ORS!!!!!" yelled Quigley to Violet in a tattletale voice.

"They are?" asked Violet. She looked to see Klaus and Duncan climbing the doors.

"GUYS!!" yelled Violet.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! YOU GUYS ARE GETTING IN TROU-"

"That is such a great idea!!" encouraged Violet, and apparently interrupting Quigley.

Then, Quigley's jaw dropped a long way. Which is very weird. Because your jaw can only drop about 2 inches. It kept falling. Until a lever appeared out of nowhere and Quigley pulled it. His jaw shot right back up against his teeth.

"YAKZA!! THAT HURT!!! AWOOOA!!!" screamed Quigley in a girlish voice.

"Did he just say 'YAKZA'???" asked Duncan.

Klaus slowly nodded his head. Why? Because _he_ pulled a bag of popcorn out of nowhere and started eating the popcorn. What was he watching? A little video in his mind. He was thinking of him and Isadora running off together into the sunset, holding hands. Seriously, that is _very_ weird.

"VIOLET!! THEIR LETTING YOUR PLAN GO TO WASTE!! AND YOU'RE LETTING THEM DO THAT!! _YOU_ ARE EVEN LETTING YOUR PLAN GO TO WASTE!!!" yelled Quigley, surprised about Violet's reaction when he told her they were letting her plan got to waste.

"My plan wasn't even done yet. I was distracted by changing…you know what I mean," said Violet.

"BROADWAAAAY!! I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ON BROADWAY!!!!I ALWAAAAYS WANTED...TO..BE..ON..BRRROOOAAAAAAAAAD…WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

Screamed Duncan, in a random loud song, which he sang in an opera voice.

"SHUT YOUR TRAP DUNCAN!! YOU AIN'T GOING ON BROADWAY!!!!!!!" yelled Klaus.

"GUYS!!! BE QUIET!!! I _WAS_ ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING!! B4 _SOMEONE_ INTERRUPTED ME!!!" shouted Violet to Klaus and Duncan, then to only Duncan.

"WAIT A MINUTE!!!! WHY DID YOU PUT A '4' NEXT TO THE 'B' WHEN YOU SAID 'BEFORE'? ???!!!???" shouted Klaus to Violet.

"BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT!! NOW SHUT YOUR MOUTH SO I CAN SAY WHAT I WANNA SAY!!! Thank you for your time," at the end of her sentence, Violet used her normal happy tone.

There was a pause for a minute, then Violet began to speak, "OK, so. I think that climbing the doors the way y'all are doin' it is a good idea. But, I think we are gonna need something that help us stick to the doors. Like…some sort of magnetic polarizer,"

"What's a magnetic polarizer?" asked Quigley, listening with interest.

"It's a magnet with…" Violet began to answer. I will not put the following things that she was gonna say. Why? One reason. Because she used a lot of big words. So… I will put was occurring meanwhile.

**{A/N: In Duncan's following dialogue, the words that are not capitalized are the ones he is saying in his normal tone.}**

Meanwhile, Duncan was singing and mixing up songs,

" 'CAUSE WE ROCK!! Well, just me. So I will sing 'I'. I'm gonna start all over. Wait!! I'M GONNA START ALL OVER!! OUT OF THE FIRE-EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!! DUR…DUR-DUR-DUR-DUR…DUR-D-THILLER!! THILLER NIGHTS!! I PULLED OUT A RING AND SAID 'MARRY ME, SELENA YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE I LOVE YOU AND _THAT'S ALL I REALLY KNOW_!! I TALKED TO-HEY, HEY, YOU , YOU WANNA BE MY GIRLFRIEND!!! YES WAY, YES WAY, I REALLY NEED A NEW ONNNE!! I'M HOT!! YOUR COLD!! YOU GO AROUND LIKE YOU KNOW , WHO I AM!! AND YOU DO!! I REALLY LOVE SELENA!! WOW-WOW WUBZY, WUBZY-WUBZY WOW-WOW!! Wait, that sounded gaaaay. BUT MY BREATH FOGGED UP THE GLASS, SO I DREW A NEW FACE AND I LAUGHED-'CAUSE TONIGHT WILL BE THE NIGHT, THAT I WILL FALL FOR SELENA!! OVER AGAIN!! I'LL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND!! TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW, SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW!! Wait, I don't know anything. SELENA GOMEZ IS REALLY GREAT, REALLY GREAT!! REALLY GREAT!! SELENA GOMEZ IS REALLY GREAT, AND DESERVES THE OPPOSITE OF HATE, WHICH IS LOVE!! FROM ME!! WHEEEN A DUUUDE LOVES A DUDETTE-I KNOW, YOU SEE, SOMEHOW THE WORLD WILL CHANGE FOR ME, AND BE SO WONDERFUL!!! Just you wait people of America!! One day, Selena and I will be married!! WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA??!!?? DON'T KNOW AND DON'T CARE!!! Seriously, how will_ that_ help you in life?? THESE ARE HEADSTRONG, CRAZY DAYS!! WHEN YOUR MIND'S MADE UP AND THE MUSIC PLAYS!! OOH TO THE EEH TO THE OOH THE AHAH TO THE TING TO THE TANG TO THE WALLA WALLA BINGBANG!! OOH TO THE EEH THE OOH THE AHAH TING TANG WALLAWALLA BING BAAANG!!!" Duncan sang the last part in a chipmunk voice.

"Duncan…you got issues. I know 4 things.1)One of these days, Isadora and I will run off into the sunset holding hands, you know, as friends.2)You and Selena, will never have a chance.3)You don't know anything.4)Even though it looks like it, Violet and Quigley will never date," stated Klaus.

"Poor, poor Klaus. He doesn't understand anything," sympathized Duncan.

Yes, Violet said that many big words. All through Duncan's singing and his very short conversation with Klaus, Violet was saying big words. A lot of 'em too.

Klaus annoyingly shook his head at Duncan and yelled down to Violet, "YO VI, EXPLAIN IN ENGLISH!!!"

Violet sighed and said in a normal voice, "A magnetic polarizer will push _anything_ forward. I'm going to need to fix it up so that it will push _anything_ toward itself. That way, when we jump from door to door, and miss our chance to grab the door, the polarizer will pull it toward you and we can get a good grip to pull ourselves on top of the door."

"Sweetness," said Duncan.

"I know, right?" said Klaus.

"Um, Violet…won't we need more than one magnetic polarizer to do the job?" asked Quigley.

"Yes, actually we will need more than. To be exact, we'll need 4 polarizers. That's gonna be hard," answered Violet.

"OOO!!LOOK!!I FOUND 4 MAGNETIC THINGYS!!" yelled Duncan.

"GIMME THOSE!!" yelled Klaus, and he threw them all down to Violet at the same time. Quigley and Violet each caught 1.

"OK, now…all I need is a screwdriver…ooo look, a screwdriver!!" yelled Violet.

Violet got to work and was finished in 2 seconds.

"DONE!!" yelled Violet.

"Wow, that was quick." said Quigley.

"YO KLAUS, DUNCAN, CATCH!!" yelled Violet.

Violet threw up 2 of the magnets. Klaus caught one, and the other one hit Duncan on the head.

"YOWWWWWWYYYYYY!!!" screamed Duncan.

The magnet landed on top of Klaus's magnet.

"DUNCAN, YOU KLUTZ!!" yelled Klaus to Duncan and handed him a magnet.

"I'm tired of holding this thingy," complained Duncan.

"I just handed you dang thing! Why are you complaining?!?" asked Klaus.

"You know me, I'm a macho-lazy-butt."

"You made that up at the top of your head, didn't you?"

"…Maybe…EWWWWW!!! MINE HAS MOLD ON IT!!! QUICK!! SWITCH WITH ME BEFORE I GET MOLDMONIA!! THE TERRIBLE MOLD DISEASE!!"

"DUNCAN!!"

"OK, OK!! Pushy people."

Now Duncan will make a wish.

"Star light, star bright, even though I can't see a star tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight. I wish for…DUCT TAPE-OOO-LA-LA!!!" wished Duncan.

_POOF._

"OOO!! KLAUS, LOOK!! I FOUND A ROLL OF DUCT TAPE!!" yelled Duncan.

Duncan took off a long strip of duct tape and attached to the magnet, which he attached to his shirt.

Violet, who was watching what Klaus and Duncan were doing, yelled, "DUNCAN!! WHAT A GREAT IDEA!! QUICK, PASS THE DUCT TAPE TO KLAUS!! KLAUS, WHEN YOUR DONE WITH IT TOSS IT TO ME!!"

"It's…a…great…idea…? SWEET, I'M SMARTICLE!!!" yelled a happy Duncan, who threw the roll of duct tape behind him.

"DANG DUNCAN!! I'M RIGHT HERE NEXT TO YOU!! YOU COULD HAVE HANDED IT TO ME!!" yelled an angry Klaus.

Klaus stood up and jumped behind Duncan and sang, "I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYY," and caught the duct tape. "I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKYYYYY," sang Klaus and flew back to the door.

"I'm Peter Pan," said Klaus.

"NO YOUR NOT!!! PETER PAN AND I HANG OUT _AAAAALLLL_ THE TIMEY-WIMEY!!" screamed Duncan.

"Dang Duncan, that was gay!!" yelled Klaus.

"DWA-DO-DOS!!!!" yelled Sunny, who has eaten 373 buckets of popcorn, and was currently starting on the 374th.

"SORRY, SUNNY!!" yelled Klaus and Duncan at the same.

"Wait, I don't know what she said. Why did I say 'sorry'?" asked Duncan.

"Duncan, just shut up," said Klaus while he was attaching the duct tape to his magnet which he attached to his shirt.

"ERGO!!" yelled Klaus as he threw the roll of duct tape to Violet.

Instead of Violet catching the tape, Sunny caught it.

"rgo," said Sunny, trying to say what Klaus said.

Violet taped some duct tape on her magnet which she taped to her dress. While she still had the duct tape, she taped Sunny to the…

You know that thingy that mothers use to carry their babies in. You know, they carry it like a backpack, but the baby is just in the back, hangin' out. Do you know what that's called?

Anyways, Violet taped Sunny to that…backpack thing, "Just in case," she said.

She handed Quigley the tape.

Quigley taped the duct tape to his magnet, which he attached to his shirt.

"OO!!LOOK!!I'M SUPERMAN!!!!" yelled Duncan as he flew to next door with his magnet. The magnet pulled him to the door.

"OO!!LOOK!!I'M THE FLAMING TORCH!!!" yelled Klaus as he flew to the next door with his magnet.

"You guys are _sooo_ immature!!" yelled Violet.

"COME ON SIS, LOOSEN UP!!" yelled Klaus.

Quigley, of course, the oldest of the triplets wanted to be mature. And he was mature.

"COME ON BRO, LOOSEN UP!!TWEAK UP YOUR ENGINE!!!!WAIT!!I SOUNDED LIKE A SMARTY PANTS FOR A SECOND THERE!!! It's a good thing I'm not one," yelled/said Duncan.

"COME ON GUYS!!WE'RE _SUPERHEROS_!!!!!LET'S HAVE US SOME FUN!!!WEEEEE!!!" yelled Klaus, surprisingly, as he flew to the next door.

"Ok…I'm…Wonder Woman?" Violet said awkwardly as she flew to a door.

"And I'm…Spider Man?" Quigley also said awkwardly as he flew to a door.

"COME ON GUYS!!!SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!SCREAM IT TO THE WORLD!!LET THEM KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!" screamed Duncan.

"Duncan, I think you're exaggerating," said Klaus.

"SHUT UP KLAUS!!!!!I'M HAVING A MOMENT!!!" yelled Duncan.

"Come on Violet, let's just have some fun. We can always be mature when we get done jumping from door to door ," stated Quigley.

"You're probably right Quigley," said Violet.

"Well here goes. I'M SPIDER MAN!!!" yelled Quigley.

Violet hesitated for a moment, then she yelled, "I'M WONDER WOMAN!!!!"

"YEAH!!!!THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!!!I'M THE FLAMING TORCH!!!!!" yelled Klaus.

"I…never…thought I …could teach people…to be…so…so…immature. SWEET I ROCK!!! I'M SUPERMAN!!!!" said Duncan, the first part in between sobs, then yells. With Violet yelling that she is Wonder Woman, Quigley yelling that he is Spider Man, Klaus yelling he is the Flaming Torch, Duncan yelling he is Superman, and Sunny eating her 375th bucket of popcorn, they flew from door to door until they reached a fuzzy platform that stood still and they wouldn't have to struggle to walk on. When everybody was on the platform, Klaus asked, "Where do think we are?" as he was staring at the fuzzy platform, amazed they had actually reached a platform.

"I think we are in a four-year-old girl's playroom," said Duncan, looking around at the furniture.

What the room contains:

1)a fuzzy chalkboard with fuzzy chalk (…weird…)

2)a fuzzy rocking chair

3)fuzzy stuffed animals all over the floor

4)oversized fuzzy t-shirts that have a picture of Barney hugging a kid that says "Barney is not a child molester"

5)fuzzy hot-dogs covered in hot sauce

"EWWWW!!!CHILD MOLESTER SUPPORT!!!!BARNEY IS HUGGIN' THAT KID _WAAAAAAAY_ TOO TIGHT!!!" yelled Duncan.

"Shut up Duncan! The hands could be nea-" Violet was interrupted by a noise coming from inside the door that was at the back of the room. The sound got closer…and closer…and closer…until…the door was threw off it's hinges to the ground. Out came…the two hands.

Quigley's eyes wandered to the fuzzy chalkboard with fuzzy chalk, underneath it, was the door that Isadora was thrown in. the only problem, was that it was at the far end of the room, right behind where the two hands were standing.

"Guys…and girls…make no sudden movements…these guys are just like animals, you move, they attack," whispered Klaus.

"Violet," whispered Quigley to Violet, who was standing right next to him.

"Yeah?" whispered Violet.

"See that fuzzy chalkboard?" whispered Quigley.

"Yeah," whispered Violet.

"Look at what it's on top of," he whispered to her.

"Omj," she whispered.

"Yeah, I know. Listen, you have to create something that can get us to that door _without_ being attacked by those two maniacs over there," whispered Quigley.

"Who Duncan and Klaus?" whispered Violet.

"No!" Quigley whispered loudly.

"The hands?" whispered Violet.

"Exactly," whispered Quigley.

"You're gonna have to help me out here, I don't want to risk them attacking us because I need to put my hair in a ribbon,"

"Ok, umm. What about the magnets?"

"Right, I fixed them up to push _anything_ towards them instead of away from them."

"Think, Violet, how can the magnets help?"

"Quigley…"

"What?"

"I got an idea."

"Let's here it."

"What I want you to do, is to walk slowly to Duncan and tell him to tell Klaus, that on my signal, we all shout 'Charge', tear off the magnets, and run."

"What do we do after that?"

"We throw the magnets at them. We should throw them when we get to that fuzzy rocking chair, that way, when the magnet hits them, it will hit them _hard_. It should keep them busy for about 1 minute."

"Then what?"

"I want you throw the chalkboard off the door and swing the door open. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

Quigley began to raise his foot. One of the hands growled like a lion. He put his foot down. He took another step. Two more steps and he was at Duncan. On his next step, the hand that growled first growled louder. On Quigley's last step, both of the hands roared very, very loud. He had made it to Duncan.

"Duncan?" Quigley whispered.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

"I need you to do something for me…" whispered Quigley as he told Duncan the plan. Then he watched Duncan tell Klaus the plan. He suddenly heard some ear piercing roars and a whimper from Sunny. Violet had walked up to Quigley.

"Quigley, tell Duncan to tell Klaus that the signal is a click of my tongue," Violet whispered. Quigley obeyed.

A few seconds later, they all heard Violet click her tongue.

Three shouts of 'Charge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' and one shout of 'Cherge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' and roars filled the air. Just as planned, they tore off their magnets, and when they reached the rocking chair, they threw their magnets at the two hands. 5 seconds later, they reached the chalkboard. Just as planned, Quigley threw the fuzzy chalkboard off the door and swung the door open.

"GO, GO, GO!!!!" he screamed.

Violet with Sunny jumped threw the door, then Klaus, then Duncan, then Quigley, who grabbed the door knob and closed the door as he jumped in.

Violet hit a hard floor, Klaus landed next to her, Duncan fell on top of him with a loud, "OOF!!" and Klaus yelling, "DUNCAN!!GET YOUR BIG BUTT OFF ME!!"

Then Quigley landed next to his brother. They were all looking down at the floor when they landed, and didn't look up until they heard footsteps. The footsteps stopped. The orphans looked up to see a tattoo of an eye on a left ankle.

**Yo!!! What up my home-skilly-biscuits?!? I'll tell you what's up!! You just read 12 pages of chapter 3 of The Berserk Beginning! That's right ladies and gentlemen, 12 pages!!! Gosh that took a long time. A really long time. I started chappie 3 in early January, and today, at 1:30am, March 1****st****, I have succeeded in completing chappie 3!!!**

**So, was it good, bad, terrific, horrible, suckish, or spectacular!!!**

**Tell me in your review!!btw, one of the definitons of macho is "dictator" the other one is "strong"**

**L8r!!**

**;)**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hey guys!! I'm back with chappie 4 of the berserk beginning!!**_

_**Reviewers to thank from chapter 3:**_

_**sudokukid**_

**_and all the other reviewrs that i didn't get type in name bcuz i'm in a hurry._**

_**Disclaimer: I…do not…own…ASOUE!!!! SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S Y'ALL'S PROBLEM?!? Lol.**_

_**The Berserk Beginning**_

_**Chapter 4:**_

Snicket- "She's-"

Me- "GOSH SNICKET!! YOU NEED TO STOP SNEEKING IN!! PLUS, KICKING YOU OUT IS GETTING OLD AND NO ONE'S LAUGHING AT THAT ANYMORE!!!"

_Snicket backs up and opens up a coloring book to occupy his time._

(Quick Author's Note: Chapter 4 is what was happening to Isadora during chapter 3-this chapter is probably going to be the only chapter that will be told in a character's point of view. In this case, Isadora's)

I hit the ground with a hard _thud_. The pain in my head was excruciating, since I fell head first. Painful. When I landed, for a minute, I thought I was in a rocket ship that exploded. But I survived. Still being a bit woozy, I started singing 'I will survive'. 'Till I felt a brush against my arm. I opened my eyes and found myself face-to-face with a rat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed so loud I thought my throat would burst. I rolled over and found that a tarantula was crawling towards me. Then I screamed some more. Then I fainted. I woke up at probably around midnight. I was on top of the most dirtiest bed in the world! I also had scratches all over my legs that weren't there before.

Just then, the door to the room I was in burst open. Some idiot looking dude dramatically walked. He was uglier than ugly itself!! Sorry, but he was. He had the most hairiest unibrow-it was gray. His eyes were a cold gray. His greasy, gelly hair was pulled back-the hair was gray. He was wearing worn out overalls-they were gray. Underneath his overalls was an undershirt, it was gray. He was wearing socks-gray. They were ankle socks. On his left ankle was a tattoo of an eye with a-I leaned closer-a whole bunch of other eyes that had a whole bunch of other eyes that had a whole bunch of other eyes and so on and so forth. Without saying a simple 'Hello', he started ordering me around!! How disrespectful!!

"Orphan, I have ran an errand!"

"That's great."

"You bet it is! You know what I bought?"

"Nope, gotta go," obviously he knew me, but I didn't know him. I got up from that _filthy_ bed and began walking towards the door. Just as I was passing him, he grabbed me by the arm and me to the front of him and said to me, "Do you know who I am?"

Just then, I figured out who he was. I remembered my parents told me about him and they told me to watch out. I didn't think I would ever come face-to-face with him. In fact, I never even thought I could spot him out if he and I were in a store by ourselves. But, actually…he totally sticks out like a sore thumb. This man looks just as my mom and dad described. Tattoo of an eye on his left ankle, unibrow, obsession with gray-I thought my dad was exaggerating on that part-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! THEY WERE RIGHT ABOUT THE LONG FITHY NAILS THAT I JUST NOTICED TOO!!!!!!!!!!

"Do you know who I am?" he repeated.

To keep out of harms way, I fibbed. I am a professional, my brothers fall for my lies all the time…

"My…guardian? Probably not. I must have mistaken you, and the house. Bye." I started doing the moon walk that Duncan taught me-its fun!- while trying to breath slowly-his breath stinks so bad I had to hold my breath!! I don't mean to be mean, but I'm just saying the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, you know? It's life. Deal with it.

He grabbed me by the arm, _again,_ and pulled me in front of him, _again._

"Hey, dude, I don't like being man-handled, so could you just, like, back off?" His face got meaner looking, "Please?"

Instead of backing off like the coward he is-please, who burns homes in person? Everyone except Stinky Olaf over here- pushed me toward that _filthy_ bed. I landed on that mattress-it was the only thing on there-but I made a hole in it and my butt hit the metal stuff that's supposed hold up the mattress. Then he threw a can a gray paint next to the mattress and said, "You're not going anywhere. You know me, and I know you. So while you're here, I will introduce myself and assign you chores. I am-"

"Wait-chores?"

"Let me finish!!! As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I am your beloved Count Olaf. Even though we are two strangers, you can call me 'Countie'. Now, your first chore is to paint this brown room gray. And your second chore is…well I'll just give you the list."

Count Olaf took a piece of paper from his pocket on his overalls, balled it up, and threw it at me. Then he left.

"Great. Chores. Just great."

So I got to work-but not before I got my ipod out of my pocket. It's purple. I turned it on and put it on Demi Lovato's: La la land.

I sang along, singing while I'm working makes me feel important. I don't know why. I know I get it from my parents. So do my brothers.

_"I am confident But I still have my moments Baby, that's just me_

_I'm not a supermodel I still eat McDonald's Baby, that's just me Well, some may say I need to be afraid Of losing everything Because of where I_

_Had my started and where I made my name Well, everything's the same In the la-la land machine Machine, machine Who said I can't wear my Converse with my dress Well, baby, that's just me [ah]_

_Who says I can't be single And have to go out and mingle Baby, that's not me!Noo, noo_

_Well, some may say I need to be afraid Of losing everything 'cause of where I_

_Had my started and where I made my name Well, everything's the same In the la-la land- Tell me, do you feel the way I feel 'Cause nothing else is real In the la-la land machine_

_(yells)(guitar solo)Well, some may say I need to be afraid Of losing everything Because of where I_

_Had my started and where I made my name Well, everything's the same In the la-la land machine Well, I'm not gonna change In the la-la land_

_Machine! Well, I will stay the same In the la-la land… MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

I won't change anything in my life (I won't change anything in my life) I'm staying myself tonight (I'm staying myself tonight) La, la, la, l-"

"WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!?" Count Olaf yelled as barged into the room I was working on. I don't like when people barge in and I don't like it when people call me noise. Paula Abdul helped me make a CD that sold _trillions_. Anyways, I was painting the door and accidentally painted Count Olaf's face. "AAHHH!! YOU PAINTED MY FACE!!"

"Well, you deserve it, you treat people like crap! You're a person too! Show some respect for people other than yourself!"

"How do you know about me?"

"Ohhh…well, that was embarrassing. I…uh…saw you around town?"

"Hmmm, good enough for me. NOW GET TO WORK!!"

I was finished with the room when I finished painting the door. I went to that _filthy_ bed and picked up the list that I had left on it. Guess how many chores I got! Fifty three!! Since there was so much to do, I decided to read the first ten:

1) paint room gray

I grabbed my pen from my pocket and wrote "done" next to it. Then I looked at the rest:

2) wash dishes

3) clean all 3 bathrooms

4) kill all rats in house

5) kill the giant tarantula

6) polish all my shoes-they are in the backyard

7) mow the lawn-front and back

8) feed my iguana

9) sort my underwear

10) get all my Playboy magazines from the attic

My thoughts:

Chores10 & 9:EEEWWW!! COUNT OLAF READS PLAYBOY!!!!!! AND HIS UNDERWEAR IS PROBABALY DIRTY AND SMELLS LIKE CRAP!! Chore 8:He has an iguana?

Chore 7:I can't mow the lawn! I'm a girl! That's a man's job!

Chore 6:Dang!!! That man got lots of shoes!! {the window in the room I was in showed the backyard}

Chore 5:I am terrified of tarantulas!! And he expects me to kill a giant one!! No way.

Chore 4:I'm skipping the rats. I'm allergic. Plus, I had a seizure one time when I saw one.

Chore 3:Please don't be filthy, please don't be filthy, please don't be filthy.

Chore 2:I'll live.

I went to the kitchen and saw that there was a radio next to the sink. Good. I hate washing dishes alone. Listening to music makes me feel like I have company. Oo! It tells time! Its…um…dang!! it's 5:45am!!

I looked at all the dishes in the sink. I was like, "Whoa!!" The dishes were piled up so high, that they almost touched the ceiling. I'm not joking. And that ceiling is HIGH.

I heard foot steps coming down the steps. It was Count Olaf. _Shoot._

"Orphan!! Are you washing the dishes?!?" he called. Just as I had tuned the radio to 103.7 the Q.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I answered.

"Orphan! What are you doing listening to- OO! POKERFACE!! I LOVE THIS SONG!!"

Then he started doing the disco and singing,

"_I won't tell you that I love you kiss or hug you cause I'm bluffin with my muffin I'm not lyin I'm just stunnin with my love glue gunnin! Just like a chick in a casino take your bank before I pay you out I promise this promise this check this hand cause I'm marvelous_!"

When that song was over, Welcome to the World started playing and Count Olaf stared shaking as if he was having a seizure. Then he stared singing,

"_All the time that you were gone, I thought about how things went wrong Now you're coming down to earth Ok, hello, (welcome to my world) welcome to the world_!!"

And he sings terr-i-ble!

Then I Can Be Your Hero started and he started singing,

"_I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain!! I can stand by you forever!! You can take, my breath away_!!"

in a really high-pitched voice.

"SHUT-UP!!" I yelled, because surprisingly, I was finished.

"I'M DONE WITH THIS AND GOING TO BED! Wait, that bed is _filthy_. I'll sleep on the floor." I said.

"Listen here orphan-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"But I didn't get to tell you what I bought…"

"Well, what'd you buy?"

He answered really fast, "Avril Lavigne's CD."

I looked at him, the CD, him, the CD, him, the CD, him, the CD, then I grabbed the CD and ran to my room.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! YOU TOOK MY CD!!! It's a good thing I bought an extra."

I immediately grabbed a computer out of nowhere and downloaded it to my ipod and started listening to One of Those Girls and sang along:

_ "I know you're the kind of girl _

_You only care about one thing_

_Who you've seen, or where you've been_

_Who's got money_

_I see that look in your eyes_

_It tells a million lies_

_But deep inside,_

_ I know why_

_You're talking to him_

_I know what you're all about_

_I really hope he figures it out_

_She's one of those girls_

_Nothing but troubleJ_

_just one look _

_and now you're seeing double_

_Before you know it she'll be gone_

_Off to the next one_

_She's so good that you won't see it coming_

_She'll take you for a ride _

_and you'll be left with nothing_

_You'll be broken, she'll be gone_

_Off to the next one_

_Oh oh ohOff to the next oneOh oh yeah yeah oh oh_

_She's gonna be the end of you_

_At least that's what they say_

_It's been a while_

_You're in denial_

_And now it's too late_

_The way she looks,_

_ it makes you high_

_All the warning signs_

_Cause her blond hair,_

_ her blue eyes_

_it makes you wanna die_

_I know what she's all about_

_I really hope you figure it out_

_She's one of those girls_

_Nothing but trouble_

_Just one look _

_and now you're seeing double_

_Before you know it she'll be gone_

_Off to the next one_

_She's so good that you won't see it coming_

_She'll take you for a ride and you'll be left with nothing_

_You'll be broken, she'll be gone_

_Off to the next one_

_You know it's a game, you know it's a game_

_She keeps playing around with your head,_

_ playing around with your head_

_She's so insane, so insane_

_She's the one to blame, _

_she's the one to blame_

_She's one of those girls_

_Nothing but trouble_

_just one look _

_and now you're seeing double_

_Before you know it she'll be gone_

_Off to the next _

_shes so good that you won't see it coming_

_She'll take you for a ride and you'll be left with nothing_

_You'll be broken, she'll be gone_

_Off to the next oneOh oh ohOff to the next oneOh oh yeah yeahOff to the next one!"_ and I soon fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, I was woken up by Count Olaf yelling at me.

"ORPHAN!!!COME PLAY THE PIANO!! I DON'T KNOW HOW SO YOU DO IT FOR ME!!"

"Oi…" I said, and I got up reluctantly and downstairs to play the piano.

I began playing. Then I saw a hobo!!

"AHH!! A HOBO!!" I screamed.

"THAT'S NOT A HOBO!! THAT'S MY WIFE, THE RETARD!!"

"Oh. Ha Ha, you married a retard."

"GOSH!, JUST SHUT- UP AND PLAY, PLAY PLAY!!"

"Uh, it's shut-up and drive, drive, drive."

"WHATEVER!! JUST PLAY!!"

"OK, sheesh." and I began playing Bella's _original_ lullaby. The original is _so_ much better than the one in the movie. Count Olaf fainted from the beautiful sound. It was funny. He started singing Love Story. Tee hee.

Then there was a knock on the door. Count Olaf quickly stood up and said, "That must be my girlfriend!! The un-retard!!"

That man is crazy.

The retard.

Stupid idiot.

The ugly dude addicted to gray.

Annoying kid.

Unmatured and sounds like a mouse when he yells and sings.

Count Olaf ran to the door and quickly opened the door. Then I heard a loud thud. I got up from the piano seat and leaned over to see what happened. I couldn't see because Count Olaf's big hairy butt was in the way.

It's not that I've been looking at his butt or anything, but if he has a hairy unibrow, and hairy legs, then he must have a hairy butt, and a very hairy back. Just thought I should let you know.

"Ow! My head hurts!"

Once I heard that voice, I knew exactly who it was.

_I won't tell you that I love you kiss or hug you cause I'm bluffin with my muffin I'm not lyin I'm just stunnin with my love glue gunnin! Just like a chick in a casino take your bank before I pay you out I promise this promise this check this hand cause I'm marvelous_!

**I can't get that out of my mind!!**

**Seriously. So, did you like it, love it, hate it, rue it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!! This chapter was shorter. 11 pages long this one. Review Plz!!**

**;)**

**Pokerface: Lady Gaga**

**La-La Land: Demi Lovato**

**I can Be Your Hero: some dude, but it was on Beverly Hills Chihuahua**

**Welcome to the world:Kevin rudoplh.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! I'm back with chapter 5 peoples! **

**Reviewers to thank from chapters 3 and 4:**

**Chapter 3:**

**P.s.**

**the sudoku kid**

**Maximum Baudelaire**

**Twilighter**

**CaptainKrueger**

**Chapter 4:**

**CaptainKrueger**

**the sudoku kid**

**twilightgirl**

**And others I may have forgotten.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ASOUE!!! Well that sucks.**

**A Series of Strange Events**

**Chapter 3:**

**The Berserk Beginning**

Snicket: She's gone, she's gone, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, AHHHHHH!

Me: What are you doing at your typewriter?

Snicket: Well, it _is _my series…

Me: But who's using it?

Snicket: you.

Me: And who should go occupy his time playing a My Little Pony game?

Snicket: Me.

Me: Shoo--shoo!

Snicket: (goes across the room to play a My Little Pony computer game)

Me: Now, on with the story!

"OW! My head hurts! Can I have an aspirin?"--Duncan

He stood up, and his friends did too.

"Uh.." Count Olaf.

"Mister," Duncan started, "…gray overalls, hairy legs-"

Violet interrupted him. "Duncan, just look at him!"

"Ok…AHHH!" Duncan said. Then he fainted from Count Olaf's ugliness.

Quigley looked at Duncan and told him to get up.

"Ok, Boss" Duncan said. Then out of the blue, Count Olaf started talking about himelf and the house. Isadora went over behind Count Olaf on his left side, and started waving with a big smile on her face when she saw the other orphans.

The other orphans began waving back. "Quit waving at my left side!" Count Olaf said.

Quigley said, "He's right, you guys. Lets put our heads down in shame."

But Violet said, "NO! I'm a girl! And girls, they wanna have fu-un! Oh-o girls, they wanna have fu-un!"

Duncan started waving his hands and sang, "Girls…wanna have fun...girls…wanna have fun!"

Violet started onto the next verse: _The phone rings-" _

"OW!" Duncan interrupted her.

You see, when Violet started singing that verse, she opened her hands and set them apart, causing her to accidentally hit Duncan in the face and knocked him down.

Violet looked down at him. She said, "Oops…Ha-ha!" Then Isadora took action. She grabbed Sunny. Sunny said, "Goop!" which probably meant along the lines of, 'Hey!'

Then Isadora hit Count Olaf in the head with Sunny. "He he, Yay!" Went the baby.

"Awwww," went everybody else. Count Olaf stood up immediately after the 'Aws'.

"Go to your room!" Count Olaf boomed. Duncan said, "Ok, Dude!"

"Oi," Count Olaf complained, "Were you guys not listening when I told you my name?"

"No," Duncan answered.

"Oh, and can you show us to our room?" Klaus asked. Count Olaf slapped Count Olaf's face.

"Hey!" said Count Olaf.

"Shut up!" said Count Olaf, "Anyway, I am your beloved Count Olaf." He said as he took a bow.

"More like Crap Oatmeal," Klaus said.

Everyone began to giggle.

"Oat-meal?" asked Count Olaf.

Klaus answered, " Yeah! You know, when your stomach hurts, and the food goes back up your throat, an-"

He got cut off by Quigley, " Sunny just made oatmeal all over the floor!"

"Yeah, that!" Klaus said excitedly, pointing at Sunny's 'oatmeal'.

"Just call me County," Crap Oatmeal said.

"Not you too!" Crap Oatmeal said to me.

Me: What? I like that nickname!

"Ugh, fine," Crap Oatmeal said.

"Liam Aiken is hot," Isadora said randomly.

"Why, thank you," Klaus said.

"Your not Liam Aiken," Isadora accused.

"Well, technically I am because he played me in the movie of our lives." Klaus said.

"But that doesn't mean your him," Isadora retorted.

"But I look like him."

"True….." Isadora said, crossing her arms.

"Can you guys shut up?" Crap oatmeal asked.

Violet threw a question at him, "Will you show us to our room?"

Crap Oatmeal sighed. "Yes…?"

"Then yes," Violet said.

"Yes What? That you'll be quiet?"

"No, that you'll show us to our room."

"You kids are a pain."

"Great! Then we'll get along perfectly!"

"Just follow me." And he led them up to their room. "Wait a minute!" he said, " I could've gotten Isadora to show you to your room! I just wasted my time!"

"Haha!" Isadora said.

Crap Oatmeal said, "Ok, so while I'm up here, I might as well tell you where everything is-Again-. The kitchen is in the back of the house-"

He got cut off because Duncan raised his hand.

"Yes, Duncan?"

"Two questions: 1: How did you know my name was Duncan?"

"I-"

"GASP! You're a…stalker!"

"No! I knew your parents!"

"Oh...well then, numero dos--that's number 2 in Spanish--What does this word you call, 'Kitchen' mean?"

"It's a place where people cook food."

"Oh"

"Now for the living room," Crap Oatmeal said while gesturing with his hands, "is right next to the kit-What?!"

Duncan had raised his hand again. "What is this word you call 'living room' mean?" he asked.

"Ugh. It's a place where people sit and talk."

"Oh. I thought people lived there."

Then Crap Oatmeal slapped a police officer in the face.

"Hey!" said the police man, "Your getting arrested for assaulting a police officer!"

"No!" Crap Oatmeal said.

"Yes!" said the orphans.

"I'll pay you nothing if you let me go." Crap Oatmeal said.

The officer thought a moment. "Hmm…" He said. "…It's a deal!" and he left.

Crap Oatmeal went back to talking about his house. "Anyway, the-What do you want, Duncan!?!?!"

"What does the word you call, 'the' mean?"

At first, Crap Oatmeal stared at him calmly. Then he blinked and picked up a GINORMOUS dictionary out of nowhere and threw it at Duncan screaming, "LOOK IT UP!"

Duncan caught it. "Hey! I caught it!...AHHHH!" He fell from the dictionary's ultra-heavyness.

"Goodni-ight, and Goodbye! Crap Oatmeal said. Then he slammed the door as he left the room.

"Come on you guys, lets sit on that _filthy_ mattress," Quigley suggested.

"Yeah!!" agreed everyone.

So they all sat down quietly on that _filthy _mattress. Then, in a girly voice, Duncan began singing, "SO,CONTAGIOUS!! I CAN NOT GET IT OUTTA MY MIND, YEAH!! SO, OUTRAGIOUS!! YA MAKES ME FEEL SOOOO HIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGH-ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Shut-up, Duncan!" yelled Isadora.

"Okay!" he agreed, and he pulled a cup full of liquid out of nowhere and walked over to a table.

"has this ever happened to you?" he asked. Then he poured liquid all over the table.

"GASP! I spilled liquids all over the table!" Then he pulled a another cup full of liquid out of nowhere, and poured it straight on the floor.

"GASP!! I spilled liquids all over the floor!!" Then he pulled a another cup full of liquid out of nowhere.

He walked over to Klaus, and threw the liquid onto Klaus's pants. Duncan put a hand over his mouth, pointed and said, "GASP! I spilled liquid all over Klaus's pants!!"

"You idiot! Now it looks like I wet my pants!!" Klaus screamed at him.

"EWW!!" screamed all the girls and Quigley, and ran to the other side of the room. Apparently, they only heard the part where he said '…I wet my pants!!'

"I didn't-Aw, forget it!" gave up Klaus.

"ATTENTION!" yelled Duncan.

"FORWORD, MARCH! AND LOOK AT ME!" Duncan ordered.

Everybody obeyed.

"Good. Now stop marching." Duncan said.

Everybody obeyed.

"Now I can talk." He said.

"Hi! I'm Duncan Quagmire! And I'm going to be showing you a great new product. It's called the Sham WOOHOO"-he said 'WOOHOO' with enthusiasm- "It's not the Sham woohoo. It's called the Sham WOOHOO! Say it like that. It's the greatest investment in towel, shammy, and rag technology!"

He continued. "Don't believe me? Watch this!"

Then he started demonstrating it.

"If you have a spill on your table, an ordinary rag or towel with just soak it up all so boringly."

He took an ordinary rag and soak up part of the spill on the table. Then he picked up the Sham WOOHOO!

"But thanks to the Sham WOOHOO! Not only will you not soak up the liquid, but you just push it off the table!"

He demonstrated it with the other part of the spill.

"Still not impressed? If you order now, we'll throw in a second Sham WOOHOO! FOR FREE! That's right! You're getting two Sham WOOHOOS! For the price of one!! That's a five dollar value for just $19.99! So what are you waiting for? Order your Sham WOOHOO! And you'll be saying WOOHOO! Every time! WOOHOO! TEE-HEE!"

"Sham woohoo?" Quigley asked, saying Sham WOOHOO with no enthusiasm.

Duncan answered him. "Its not the Sham woohoo! it's the Sham WOOHOO! Say it like that!"

Violet asked, "Uh, how will it get the liquids off the floor if there's nothing under the floor?"

"Yeah! And the liquid is already soaked up in my pants! How's the Sham woo-I mean, Sham WOOHOO! gonna help with that?" Klaus asked.

Duncan whispered in his ear very secret-like, "That's the trick--it doesn't!! Dun-Dun-DUUUUUNNNNN!"

"can. Don't forget the 'can' part in the name. Mom didn't name you DUN! She actually bothered to put the 'can' at the end," Isadora said.

Then Crap Oatmeal burst through the door and yelled, "I am concentrating on my beautiness , and will not tolerate INTERRUPTIOOOOOOONNNNNN!!"

"Doo-poo-kald," said Sunny, which meant something along the lines of , "Man, shut-up!"

Violet translated.

Then, Crap Oatmeal got so mad, he started nagging, "Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag…"

"Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips!" Duncan sang.

"I'm not a girl, I'm a man!"

"That's what you want us to think…" said Duncan, suspiciously.

"Oi," said Sunny, "Goopo-haku-dak," which probably meant something along the lines of, "Let me handle this."

"Sunny wants to handle this," Violet translated.

"NO TALKING WHILE I'M NAGGING!!!" Crap Oatmeal continued with his nagging.

"Ok, Sunny," said Violet and put her down on the floor. Sunny crawled over to Crap Oatmeal- who was still nagging-and kicked him. You readers have enough sense to know where, 'cause I'm not sayin'. Crap Oatmeal fainted from the pain. Everyone stared at him.

"Goo-goo," Sunny said, which meant absolutely nothing. Everyone stared at her. Violet walked over to her and put Sunny on her hip. Violet and Sunny never looked so calm. At that moment, everyone knew how much they needed each other on this adventure.

"Duncan," asked Klaus.

"Yeah?" asked Duncan.

"You got the flower?"

"Sho' do," answered Duncan and pulled it out of his back pocket.

"Ok, don't lose it," Klaus said.

"Sho' won't," Duncan said. After, like, 2 minutes, Isadora felt they should get a move on.

"Alright everybody, lets leave this dump," Isadora suggested. But nobody followed. She sighed and said, "Crap Oatmeal is down, Crap Oatmeal is down!!! Lets take it outside!!!! Move it people!! Move, move, move!!!!!!!!!" Everyone snapped to their senses and began going down the steps.

"Lets go peoples!! Lets go, go , go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Isadora yelled again. Everyone looked back at her as they walked down the steps. When they got to the bottom floor, Duncan ran to the kitchen.

"Duncan!! What are you doing?!?" Violet yelled at him.

"I'm going to see if he has any BURRITOS!!!" Duncan answered.

"Why don't you make a burrito in your mind, huh?" Isadora asked him.

"But I don't know how!" Duncan told.

"Then make a freakin' burrito appear!!!!!" yelled Quigley.

"Oh, ok." he agreed, and closed his eyes with a smile.

"OO! A burrito!! I think I'll eat it now!!" Duncan said and took a bite of air.

"It takes like, like…"

"Yeah, yeah…" said everybody. Well, except for Sunny. She said, "Gloopa, gloopa…"

Suddenly, Duncan frowned, opened his eyes, pouted, crossed his arms and said, "Like a bunch of air."

"Awwww…" said everybody. Well, except for Sunny. She said, "Shi-"

"Shut-up Sunny!!" yelled Quigley and quickly covered her mouth. "Now where did she get that from? Hmmmm?!?!?" he asked with wide eyes at Violet. Violet stared at him and said, "Do you like my hair?" and put her hand on her hip.

"Uh…" said a confused Quigley.

"Y'all, can we just go outside?" Isadora asked.

"She's right you guys," said Klaus.

"Yup, she sure is! Tear, tear, just like her big brother-AHHH!! SHE'S GROWING UP SO FAST!!!" surprisingly, Quigley said this.

"Shut up, Quigley!" yelled Violet who grabbed him and shook him.

"Fu-" said Sunny. Quigley ran to her-which made no sense since she was on Violet's back-covered her mouth and said, "SUNNY! NO! THAT'S A -"

"Word Dad used to call it-Y'all, outside please!!" Isadora yelled.

"EHHHHHHH!!" yelled everybody except Isadora as they ran outside.

"Wow, I never thought yelling could feel so good," Isadora said.

"Wow…this neighborhood is…_vacant._" said Klaus.

"Vacant? What the world does that mean?" asked Quigley.

"I dunno," answered Klaus.

"Then why did you say it?" Quigley asked.

"'Cause it makes me sound smart," Klaus answered. Violet and Isadora crossed their arms. Isadora said, "It means _empty_…"

"…ya idiots," Violet finished.

"Uh, you guys, we're supposed to leave this wretched lawn that belongs to that wretched house now!" said Duncan.(…no…way…)

"GASP!!" yelled everyone. Except Sunny, she was babbling spit and playing with her fingers as if she's never seen then before.

"You used a big word!!" yelled everyone, except Sunny

"I know…" said Duncan.

"Come on you guys, lets go meet Justice Strauss!"

"What?" asked everyone. Except Sunny, who was still babbling spit and playing with her fingers as if she's never seen them before. Klaus sighed and said very fast, "Lets go meet Justice Strauss and beg and plead for her permission to go live inside her house!!"

"Oh…ok!" yelled everyone. Except for Sunny, who was still babbling spit and playing with her fingers as if she's never seen them before. Anyways, they all took one GINORMOUS step so GINORMOUS that they were now in the middle of the road.

Wow.

That was one big step.

Everyone looked at Justice Strauss's house. Well, they tried. Justice Strauss's house was on the top of a VERY steep hill. And when I say 'steep', I mean STRAIGHT UP.

"Gooplakukmalawallawallabingbongkatchchear," said Sunny. Which is baby talk for, "Wow."

Klaus translated this time.

"You know what Violet?" asked Quigley.

"No, I don't know anything. But I'm smarter than Duncan, he doesn't know squat!" Violet answered.

"Hey!" protested Duncan.

"Well its true!" stated Violet

Duncan crossed his arms and said, "…shut-up"

Quigley sighed and squinted his eyes. He said, "No, Violet. You were supposed to say 'No, what?' ."

"Well the author person didn't tell me to," Violet debated.

"Just say it!!" Quigley said.

"Ok! Sigh." Then she said in a very dull voice, "No, what?"

Quigley looked up at the hill and told her, "I think its time for…an invention!"

"And I think your right!" agreed Violet.

"And I think your stupid!" said Duncan.

Bad choice, Duncan.

Violet gave him an evil glare.

"SMART!! I said smart," Duncan said fearfully.

"Mm-hmm…" mmm-hmmed Violet.

"Gooak-pupl-tiko-buko-shuampanog!!"

Then Klaus yelled at the very top of his lungs, "SHE SAID 'TIE IT UP, PLEASE!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Everyone's hair was standing on ends.

"Dang, boy," said Isadora. While she was combing down everybody's hair back down. She wants to be a famous poet and beautician when she grows up.

"Well while you guys-notice how I said guys, not girls-are being a bunch of _babies_, I'm going to tie my hair up in a ribbon and think of an invention to get to Justice Strauss's house," Violet said.

Everyone stared at her. "Ok!" they all said. They didn't really care. After all, thinking of and building inventions is what Violet does best. Violet tied her hair up in her ribbon, then she saw Quigley staring at her blankly-and he was _smiling_.

"Quigley…why are you staring at me??" asked a confused Violet.

He shook his head and got to his senses.

"I wasn't staring! I was daydreaming on how me and yo-I WAS _OBSERVING_!!!"

"Mm-hmm," went Violet, who didn't believe him. She continued to think. Duncan thought 'This needs some background music'. He began singing, "PEOPLE IN THE PLACE!! IF YOU WANNA GET DOOOWWN!! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!!! WILL. I .AM., DROP THE BEAT NOW!!"

"Duncan, I can't concentrate with your singing!!" Violet yelled.

"Ok, ok, pushy people," Duncan said, and started humming.

"Good." Then a light bulb appeared over her head!!! Yay for light bulbs!!

"GASP! I GOT IT! I'm going to need a rope, some sort of hook, and some harness-ess-ess-ess…es-es," poor Violet doesn't know how to pronounce the plural form of harness. And neither do I.

"OOO! I'll get them!!" Quigley yelled and he ran inside the house and back out to Violet in half a second.

"I GOT THEM!!" Quigley yelled.

"Quigley. that's a burrito. Not a hook," Violet said.

"I'll eat it!" Duncan yelled. Happy that that he would FINALLY get a burrito.

Yeah right.

"I think I'll eat it now!! Besides, I haven't eaten anything else," Quigley said, and ate it.

Ha, ha, Duncan.

(Duncan shoots plastic daggers at me.)

I'm sorry, Duncan.

(The daggers stopped. Turned out, the daggers were possessed.)

Anyways…

Duncan screamed. He screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..!!!!"

"Shut-up!" said Quigley. Wait, no, yelled.

"Whimper," Duncan whimpered.

"OO!! I found a hook- and it's the kind spies use!" Violet yelled excitedly.

She began again, "Alright you guys! Sit in a circle!"

"Ok, Violet! We're ready!" Isadora yelled.

"Alright. First, we'll need the rope. That's what we'll throw up the hill," said you-know-who.

"Throw?" asked Duncan.

"Mmhmm. Next, we'll need the hook. The hook will be attached to the rope, so when we throw the rope, it will catch on to something." don't make me have to yell you who said it.

"Catch?" asked Duncan.

"Yes. Now, we'll need the harness-ess-ess-ess…ess-ess. We'll get inside the har…them and attach them to the rope. That way we can easily climb up the hill and slide to land," I _really_ don't feel like telling you who said it.

"Slide?" asked Duncan. Isadora slapped her head and muttered, "Oh, no."

"That sounds kinda like baseball," Duncan said.

…

"Duncan. It has NOTHING to do with baseball," Violet assured.

"But you said _throw_, and _catch_, and _slide_," Duncan said shivering.

"Duncan has a fear of baseballs," Quigley said. Then whispered, "He got hit in the head with a baseball…end of baseball career." Klaus, who didn't hear what he said, said, "What?"

Quigley groaned and said, "he doesn't like throwing, catching, or sliding baseballs. Which is weird. Cause you can't slide a baseball."

"What?" asked Klaus, who apparently was having hearing problems that day.

"OK! Shut-up, Klaus! Lets get into the… _those_ things! I think I heard something coming from Crap Oatmeal's house…" Isadora said, her voice trailing off. They got inside the _objects_ and got attached to the rope.

"Ready to climb everybody?" Violet asked.

"Yup!" yelled everybody. Except for Sunny, she said, "Poi."

Well, they began climbing.

You would think I would end the chapter here, or maybe when they met Justice Strauss. But that my friend, is not true…

"We made it! WOO! I'm tired," said Klaus.

"Lets all take a nap," said Quigley falling asleep.

"And have some tea," said a strange voice. They all turned to face the person who owned the voice and you'll never guess who they saw.

Pfft! Yeah right.

* * * * * * * *

Justice Strauss's house was…unique. All the walls and ceilings were pink with frilly laces around the border at the top and bottom. The room was really…frilly.

"OOO!" screamed Violet when she finally saw some violet flowers on a violet table with frills on a violet rug on the violet floor.

Weird…………

I guess she finally felt appreciated about her name or something, I honestly don't know.

Yeah, I was going to put pink on the pink on the pink, only, I remembered Violet doesn't like pink. See! I'm smart! Mmhmm I need to shut up now.

"Dang, man. This lady got pink goin' on in her house!" Klaus exclaimed.

"Dude…that made no sense." said Quigley.

Klaus replied, "Sure it doesn't. Like, I don't even understand myself sometimes."

Quigley glared at Duncan. Then he asked, "What did you do to him? HMMM?"

Duncan looked shocked. "Why are you looking at me, boy? It's not my fault he's weird sometimes! He was weird when we met him!"

"He was three when we met him!" exclaimed Quigley.

"Yeah, and his greeting to me was when he ate his boogers!" Duncan retorted.

"Hey!" Klaus said.

"Uh, boys…" Violet started, " Is it polite to fight in a pink house?" she asked. Annoyed when she noticed that there was so much pink and so little violet.

"Well, Mrs.…?" Isadora asked politely.

"It's Justice Strauss. And it's Miss, dear." answered Justice Strauss.

"Oh, ok. Well, Miss. Justice Strauss, I can see you have a passion for pink…and violet. The color, I mean." said Isadora.

"Oh yes, I just love those colors!" said Justice Strauss.

"Joopa-lakka-nakka-cuckoo-rampu," said Sunny.

"Sunny! Don't be so rude!" Violet whispered.

"Excuse me, but may I ask what the did she say?" asked Justice Strauss.

Violet answered, "She thinks the house is beautiful and welcoming!"

When she and Klaus clearly knew she had said, "I can see that, crazy lady."

"3OH!3! WOOHOO!" Duncan cried out randomly.

"Don't trust a-" Klaus began singing but was interrupted by everyone except Justice Strauss and Sunny.

"SHUT UP!"

"I was going to say candy bar."

Everyone started at him blankly.

"What? I once had this girlfriend, and she wrote on a candy bar that she was cheating on me."

Everyone except Klaus turned to look at Isadora.

"Why are y'all looking me? I never dated him."

"But you want to! Huh? Huh? Yeah, I'm a chick magnet." Klaus said jokingly.

"Shut up!" Isadora said. She smiled and gave him a playful punch in the shoulder.

"AWWWWWW, look at the two lovebirds," Violet teased.

"AWWWWW….." went everybody except Sunny, she giggled.

Me: AWWWWWW……

Readers: AWWWWW…

Justice Strauss said, "Awww…" too. But she didn't know why in the world she did. She had come back with the tea.

WAIT! I never put that she left!

She left to get tea.

Good! Dang, now I gotta put she came back.

She came back with the tea.

There we go!

After they drank their tea (like lovely ladies and gentlemen), Justice Strauss showed them to their rooms.

"I'm sorry, but I only have 3 rooms," apologized Justice Strauss.

"Easy," Violet said.

"Yeah. Girls in one room, boys in the other," agreed Isadora.

"Moc-yht-lea-heb-birc" Sunny said.

"Uh…Justice Strauss, we have a problem," said Violet.

"oh, yes. I forgot about her. Hmm….I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Hey, Violet, I'm sure you could build Sunny a crib," said Quigley.

She smiled at him.

And she did build a crib, with objects from Justice Strauss's house. With her permission, of course.

The violet table was used as the part where Sunny would lie. Of course, the table was upside down. They had put pillows that would be on top of the table, so Sunny wouldn't be on a rough surface. She used rubber bands to be the bars on the sides of the "crib".

"You did such good work! Your mother, Beatrice, would be proud!" said Justice Strauss.

"You…you knew our mom?" asked Violet.

"Mommy?" said Sunny. Then she began to cry. Klaus took her from Violet's back, and began to comfort her.

"Ummm, well. Look at the time! Time for bed!" said Justice Strauss, and she rushed to her room.

That was rude.

"Come on, Duncan. Help me carry the crib," Klaus interjected.

"k," answered Duncan.

Soon, they were all in their rooms. In the girls' room, Sunny was asleep in her 'crib' and the two girls started a conversation.

Violet pulled a bag of popcorn out of nowhere (Mr. Poe taught her how),

And put it in the center of the bed so that she and Isadora could eat some.

"So," Violet began, "what's up?"

"Nothing," Isadora answered.

"Can you keep a secret, Isadora?" Violet asked her.

"Yeah, why?"

"I have a crush on your brother."

"Uh…I don't think he's your type."

"Why not?"

"Don't you think he's a little too, you know, crazy?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Duncan."

Violet began to choke on her spit. Isadora helped her out. She's nice like that.

When Violet was finished choking, she asked, "Duncan? Why? No offense, but why?"

Isadora said, "He gets most of the girls. Which is weird because they look alike. Maybe its his personality…I never really understood."

Violet giggled and said, "He's hot…but he's not my type."

"Oh thank goodness," Isadora said jokingly.

Violet chuckled.

"I kinda have a crush on yours too, Violet."

"My what? My teddy bear, pancake eating pony, or the blanket my baby sister just bit a piece of off?"

Isadora began laughing. She couldn't stop! She had to put her pillow to her face to keep her laugh from waking up Sunny.

In between laughs, she finally brought herself to say, "No,(laugh, laugh)your brother." Her laugh slowly died down and she started blushing.

"Well… I know who _your_ talking about 'cause I only got ONE BROTHER!" Violet pretended to be mad.

"Do you hate me?" Isadora asked, even though she _thought_ she knew the answer already. Violet crossed her arms…then lay down and started laughing.

"Why would I hate you? I would have no good reason at all!" and her laugh turned into a giggle.

"I don't know…"

"Gosh! I am full from all that popcorn!" Violet said laughing.

"Mm-hmm, and does that make you feel?' Isadora said giggling.

"Like a princess, and the bed is my unicorn. Man, why do you call it a unicorn? The picture is a pretty horse with a horn

But it could be made of ugly corn."

"Violet! You just made a couplet!"

"Gasp1 I did?"

"Yeah!"

"Sweet!" Violet said happily.

"I knoooww…." Isadora said happily.

"Isadora you are so funny!" Violet exclaimed.

"They call me quiet girl , but I'm a riot…"

"Maybe Jolisa, always the same," finished Violet.

"That's not my name, that's not my name, that's not my name" they both sang at the same time.

They giggled themselves sleepy and turned their lamp off and went to sleep. Of course they prayed first and wished the best for their parents dead or alive.

Meanwhile in the boys' room…

'OOO! Look at this room! I call dibs on the number 24 racecar bed!!" Duncan yelled and jumped in it.

Apparently there were three beds in that room.

How? If there was one room in the girls room, how was there three beds in the boys' room? Oh well. Not my problem.

Well the room was racecar theme with racecar beds. Duncan had jumped on the bed that was a bed version of Jeff Gordon's car. He was his favorite.

"I call 48!" called out Klaus. Jimmy Johnson was his favorite.

"I call 8!" called out Quigley. Dale Earnhart Jr. was his favorite.

They jumped in and giggled in their beds.

It was creepy.

"Hey you guys, lets eavesdrop on the_ girls_," suggested Duncan.

"I don't know. Are you sure , Duncan?" asked Klaus.

"Yeah, there having a personal conversation," said Quigley.

"Yeah…and personal conversations are made for eavesdropping," Duncan explain.

"Oooohhhh…" said Klaus and Quigley.

SOME boys can be so stupid.

Especially these two. Who listens to Duncan? I mean like an order. Am I right? I'm right aren't I?

"Well I know who you're talking about 'cause I only got ONE BROTHER!" they heard Violet say.

The boys' ran back to their rooms giggling.

…Weird…

"They were talking about _you_ Klaus," said Quigley.

"O…m…j I mean g… they are talking about me…"

"Ha, ha! Let's point and laugh at him!" suggested Duncan. And they did. For one stupid second. Then they got bored.

"Yay! You stopped pointing and laughing at me!"

"Come on you guys, let us go see what the girls are saying right now," suggested Quigley. And, as usual, they agreed.

They tip toed across the hall and heard Violet say,

"Like a princess, and the bed is my unicorn. Man, why do you call it a unicorn? The picture is a pretty horse with a horn

But it could be made of ugly corn."

The boys ran back to their room and jumped on their beds. But Quigley accidentally jumped on Duncan's bed.

"Hey! Get off!" said Duncan loudly and pushed him off the bed.

"Ow!" cried Quigley.

"Tee-hee," said a satisfied Duncan. Then he got on his knees. He put his hands on his hips, started shaking his hips, and randomly started singing, "Work those hips, work those hips, work those hips like you gotta hula hoop."

Klaus jumped up and pinned him down and said, "Shut…up…please."

"Hey, lets go see what they are saying now," suggested Quigley.

"Yeah!" agreed Klaus and Duncan.

They heard Isadora sing, "They call me quiet girl, but I'm a riot,"

Then they heard Violet sing, "Maybe Jolisa, always the same,"

Then they heard them both sing, "That's not my name, that's not my name, that's not my name."

The boys ran back to their room and closed the door behind them. "Its official, our sisters have gone crazy," said Klaus.

"Exactly," said Duncan.

"Gosh! I'm sleepy. Come on you guys, lets go to sleep now," suggested Quigley.

"Yeah agreed the boys.

And they did.

Of course they prayed for there parents to be safe. Dead or alive.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Get up! Get up! Get up, boys! The house is on fire!" yelled Justice Strauss. The smoke filled the air in the boys' bedroom. When they sat up, they saw the girls behind Justice Strauss clutching each other tightly. Sunny was whimpering. The boys jumped out of their beds. They all ran downstairs to the front door. Once they reached it, Crap Oatmeal jumped right in front of them.

"IT'S CONT OLAF!!!!!!!" yelled Crap Oatmeal.

Me: "No!!"

"You are getting on my nerves!!"

Me: "Shut up! I have the power to kill you out of the story!!"

He shut up.

"Can you do that now? No one likes him," Duncan asked me.

Me: "No, cause that would just ruin the whole sries and your lives would stop here."

"Oh."

Me: "But don't tell him that."

He nodded.

"Get outta my way Crap oatmeal!" yelled Violet and she kicked him into next year. The people ran out of the house and stopped at the edge of the hill. Now remember, they're on top of a TALL STEEP hill. One I'd be too afraid to go on. Violet frantically tied her hair up in a ribbon.

"I'll be right back," she said, and ran back into the burning house. Quigley ran to the door and cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "Violet!!"

But it was too late. She had given Sunny to Isadora. She ran upstairs and downstairs and gathered all the blankets she could find and ran back outside. She fainted from all the smoke she inhaled.

Guess what boys and girls! I'm about to kill Violet off!

"Hey! You can't kill me off!" yelled Violet.

Me: "Violet your supposed to be in mid-faint!"

"Oh, yeah, forgot."

Me: "Just kidding! Why would I kill Violet off?"

"Yay!"

Me: "Stay down!"

Violet faints again.

Me: "Quigley! Its your dialogue now!!"

"Oh."

He and Klaus rushed over to Violet.

"Violet?" asked Quigley.

She only moaned he grabbed the blankets she had found. She had only had found six. There were seven people.

"Help me out here, Klaus," Quigley ordered.

"Children, hurry!!! The fire is" yelled Justice Strauss frantically. She was very scared. Crap Oatmeal has never done anything to her. They never said anything to each other.

"What would Violet do, Klaus?" asked Quigley.

"What would Violet do? What would Violet do?" Klaus asked this question to himself over and over again.

You are probably wondering what Isadora and Duncan are doing at the moment. Isadora is trying to comfort Sunny and Duncan is trying to teach Justice Strauss yoga to calm her down. Duncan wasn't being successful.

Back to the invention…

"I got it, Quigley!! Hand everyone a blanket!!" yelled Klaus. He did.

"Alright, someone is going to have to carry Violet down," said Klaus.

"Children, HURRY!!" yelled Justice Strauss. Isadora was now using the blanket Quigley gave her to help prevent Sunny inhaling to much smoke. They were almost completely surrounded by fire.

"I'll carry her!!!!" yelled Quigley.

"One more thing…HOW?!?!?" yelled Klaus.

"I'll attach her to this rope from the last invention with the…blanket. The hook is still attached to something, so we can slide down," said Quigley.

"HURRY!" Justice Strauss yelled.

"Go, Klaus!" Quigley ordered.

"Don't you-"

"GO!"

"K…"

Quigley frantically held the blanket on the rope by the edges of one hand, and with his free hand he held Violet by her waist.

They were going at medium speed so they wouldn't get hurt on their way to the bottom. Now Justice Strauss's Hummer H3 (dang!) had already caught on fire. Why does she even have a car when she lives at the top of a TALL hill? That, I will never know. The car's gasoline began to leak. The whole top of the hill exploded. Meaning that the rope caught on fire while the children were still sliding down it.

When Quigley saw the rope on fire, he yelled, "HOLY-" he got interrupted when a large truck drove by to drown out his following word.

"I was going to say 'crap', author person,"

Me: Oh.

"Can I say it now?"

Me: Sure

"HOLY CRAP!" Quigley yelled out.

Then he accidentally let go of the blanket. He and Violet's still unconscious body went tumbling down the hill. Quigley held tight to Violet. The fire was right at their tail. It was getting bigger. They finally reached the ground. Quigley ran carrying Violet to the others.

The whole hill exploded, then it began to rain.

Quigley laid Violet gently onto the ground, and crouched down next to her.

"Mmm…." Violet moaned.

"It's okay, Violet…" Quigley said softly, but loud enough for Duncan to hear because he said, "Geez…"

They all heard a sinister giggle come from behind them. It was weird.

Even_ I _shaking, it was that creepy.

"I see you have escaped my little bonfire," Crap Oatmeal said. "Oh, I HATED THAT! Can I try that again?"

Me: No.

"Shoot."

Duncan lost it. "I am sick of being scared of you! I'm going to punch you!"

And punch him he did.

"Ewww, Crap Oatmeal is gagging!" exclaimed Isadora.

Crap Oatmeal said, "I am sick of you annoying little bodies trying to stand up to me when I can easily kill you."

He grabbed Quigley by the neck, when he got hurt.

"YOWCH!" Crap Oatmeal yelled, and fell to the ground. Standing behind him, was Violet.

She did the head rotation with a hand on her hip while saying to the unconscious Crap Oatmeal, "Don't you go be goin' hurting my man."

When she realized what she had said, she quickly corrected herself. "Eh-heh, I meant friend."

"Dear, what did you hit him with?" asked Justice Strauss.

"A plastic baseball bat. But I don't think he'll be unconscious for very long."

Crap Oatmeal began to stand up.

"Maybe sooner than I thought," Violet said dully.

Duncan grabbed the magic flower from his back pocket.

Everyone huddled together. Just as Duncan pressed the center of the flower, Crap Oatmeal grabbed Justice Strauss.

"JUSTICE STRAUSS!" yelled everybody. Except Sunny, she was still crying.

The last thing they heard as they disappeared was, "No matter where you go, how far you go, I'll always find you!"

And the orphans were gone.

**Like it, love it, hate it, terrify it? If you terrify it, then you need help, because you're scared of a story that's not even supposed to be scary. Yeah, I know this chapter isn't that funny. Oh, well. You be the judge. Hey, one of my friends and I both think differently about the original Bella's Lullaby. Tell in your reviews which one you think is better. **

**The one by Carter Burwell, the other is called River flows in you. Go on youtube and listen to them if u haven't heard them.**

**(River flows in you is so much better!) BYE!**

**;) **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys!!**

**Duncan- Excuse me?**

**Sorry peoples, we're in the middle of a fight.**

**Duncan- Shush!**

**I called him stupid, he called me weird. And was all just downhill from there.**

**Duncan- Hellooo?**

**"Shut up, Duncan! I have to start chapter six!"**

**Duncan- You shut up.**

**"Shut up!"**

**Duncan- No, you!**

**"Shut up! Just shut up! You infinite imbecile!"**

**Duncan- …**

**"I'm just playin'!"**

**Duncan- Yay!**

**(Me and Duncan become friends again)**

**(I don't know even know what infinite means!)**

**Alright, reviewers to thank from chapter 5...**

**twilight girl**

**MissVioletBaudelaire13**

**the sudoku kid**

**Score: River Flows in You Bella's Lullaby**

** 2 1**

**(I'm with river flows in you and MissVioletBaudelaire13**

**Told me a few minutes ago)**

**Which one is better?!**

**Thank you so much!!**

**Yeah, this chapter is going to be awesome!!**

**(I don't know about that-I'm starting to get writers block…)**

**oh, and i'm getting tired of putting: Me: "Blah blah blah"**

**So i'm just going to put: Blah blah blah-might start in chapter 7.**

**Disclaimer: I…DO…NOT…OWN…ASOUE!!!**

**Seriously…**

**He, he.**

**Book 1:**

**The Berserk Beginning **

**Chapter 6:**

Snicket: "He, he."

Me: (not there yet)

Snicket: "The plan is foolproof! I will hurry up and type up The Bad Beginning, then I'll upload it!!"

Turns around.

Sees me tapping my foot.

Me: "Snicket…"

Snicket: backs away into dark corner.

Me: "Good boy."

Snicket: whimpers.

Me: "Sigh. Here's a cookie."

Snicket: "EEE!!"

Me: "O…k…On with the story!"

I last left you when the orphans disappeared and left Justice Strauss behind. Accidentally, of course. They were back in that green place again that I spent a whole freakin' chapter on.

You know what? I'm not even gonna spend a whole freakin' chapter on them looking for a door to go through!! Why? Because I don't _feel_ like it!!

Me: "Alright you guys, hurry it up! I don't wanna waste a chapter being stuck in this green place! It gives me the creeps…"

"Ok!" yelled everybody.

"Guys! We're back in the place full of doors!!" yelled Violet.

"Nah, dur," said Klaus.

"Hey guys, lets go through that door that's right in front of my face!!" suggested Quigley.

"Yeah! Agreed everyone.

Its weird how every time Quigley suggests doing something, everybody agrees. Probably because its _obvious_ that him and Violet like each other and she's the oldest and smartest of them.

Actually, I really don't know.

Maybe they feel like it.

I don't know.

Anyways…

While they began walking through the pine wood door, Violet began singing a really random and stupid song, "I LIKE BOYS!! BOYS ARE HOT!! BOYS AND BOYS ARE ALL I THINK 'BOUT!!"

Everyone blinked at her. I did too. You did too. Yes you did. Don't argue with me.

Creepy. Really creepy.

You know I would never have the guts to sing this song in public.

But Violet is so much of an individual its scary.

Anyways…

Isadora was the last person going through the door, so she had to close the door. She had her back to the place, so when she turned around, a big grin appeared on her face. Why? They were at a club in…

Go down…

Keep goin…

Don't stop now…

LAS VEGAS!!!

Ugh. Fine.

/restaurant.

They sat down at a table and started talking. The song Barbie girl was playing.

"Wow, I didn't know we would end up here!" Isadora exclaimed.

"Yeah," said Duncan in an awe when he saw a girl he liked. She was an ALMOST exact replica of Selena Gomez. She was sitting down all by herself.

He walked over to he and said, "Hey chica, wanna dance?"

"O…k.." she said and they went to go dance.

…(rolls on floor laughing of Duncan actually dancing with a girl)…

"Ha, ha! OH MY GOSH!!! WOO-HOO-HOO!! THAT IS SO MUCH FUNNY!!" laughed Klaus. It was loud. I mean like, I have water in my ears, I can barely hear now, and he was so loud he was hurting my ears!

"Klaka! Tahw-si-gnorw-htiw-uoy?!?!" asked Sunny.

"Uh…" went Quigley.

"She said 'Klaus! What is wrong with you?!?!' and what is wrong with you?!?!" translated Violet.

"its official, Klaus has lost it," said Isadora.

"No, you guys-er-girls-and guy-oh whatever! Duncan got himself a girl!! And he's dancing with her!! OH MY GOSH!!" explained Klaus. Everyone turned to look at Duncan and he girl, then they started rolling on the floor laughing with me.

"Wow, this place is like a break from the world!" said Isadora. But the evil part of the world would catch up with them…soon.

"Hey, Violet. Wanna-" began Quigley.

"Dance? Sure!" finished Violet. They got up and walked away. Klaus and Isadora heard and continued to roll on floor laughing.

"Goopo," said Sunny.

"She said 'hi'. Apparently they left Sunny with us and author person.

Uh-uh. Y'all are watching her. I'm busy typing the story.

"Ok, just us then," said Klaus.

"Mm-hmm," said Isadora looking at Sunny.

"AND NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MISS…who?…VIOLET BAUDELAIRE SINGING 'FOREVER AND ALWAYS' BY TAYLOR SWIFT IN KAREOKE MODE!!!" boomed the announcer into the microphone.

"Huh?" went Isadora.

"What the world?" went Klaus,

"Gap?" went Sunny. That was plain gibberish.

"Wow, Klaus! I didn't know your sister could sing!" yelled Isadora.

"I didn't know either!" said Klaus with a surprised look on his face.

"Em-rehtien," agreed Sunny.

"Sunny agrees," translated Klaus.

Sunny got on her knees. She wanted to see her sister.

"Back up, baby back up," sang Violet. Sunny backed up.

"Did you forget everything?" Violet sang. Sunny shook her head.

"Back up, baby back up," sang Violet. Sunny backed up.

"Did you forget EVERYTHING??!!!" sang Violet. Sunny shook her head and said, "Epon,-yo-rebmemer-todos! Tcafni-yo-ma-retrams-naht-lla-uoy-snahpro!"

"SUNNY! Oh yeah? What does E=?" said Klaus.

"Mc2," answered Sunny.

"Dang it!" yelled a disappointed Klaus.

"What did she say, Klaus?" asked Klaus.

Sunny repeated what she said, "Epon,-yo-rebmemer-todos! Tcafni-yo-ma-retrams-naht-lla-uoy-snahpro!" then she added, "Tpecte-rof-, Izzy."

Silence for a second…

"Sigh. She said 'Nope, I remember everything. In fact, I'm smarter than all you orphans! Except for you, Izzy'," Klaus translated.

"Oh, Isadora said, then she giggled. Everybody clapped as the song ended. That boom song by the Black-Eyed Peas started playing.

"Oh I love this song!" she cried.

"So, Isadora, do you want to…" his voice trailed off.

Isadora blushed.

I'm open mouthed.

"But, Klaus, what about Sunny?"

"We'll dance next to the table."

"Oh, ok."

They got up and started dancing. Now its just me and Sunny rolling on the floor laughing. Its still hilarious. You know, now Sunny is now technically unsupervised. Just technically.

"People in the plaaaaace!!" the song went. Sunny started doing the Soulja Boy really fast.

"If you wanna get doooown! Put your hands in the air!! Will. I. Am drop the beat now!" the song went. Sunny started doing the Stanky Leg.

…Oh…wow…

Then everyone at the club gathered around her and started shouting, "Do the stanky leg!! Do the stanky leg!! Do the stanky leg!!" over and over.

The spotlight was on her. She was showing on the TVs. that were hanging on the ceiling. At the back of the club, Crap Oatmeal-

"Its Count Olaf!!"

Me: "Whatever! Just deal with it!"

"Ugh." said Crap Oatmeal.

"Anyways… Esme, I know those bratty orphans are here somewhere…" then he looked over at one of the TVs hanging on the ceiling and saw Sunny doing the stanky leg.

"A BABY CAN DO THE STANKY LEG?!?!? Dang." said Esme very surprised. Crap oatmeal ran over to Sunny and grabbed her. Violet saw it happen.

"SUNNY!" screamed Violet.

'WAAAAHHH!!!!" screamed Sunny. Some people started calling 911 for kidnapping.

Smart. Kidnap a baby at a club. When everyone is looking at the baby. Yeah…great plan. Pfft, yeah right.

Klaus caught up with Crap Oatmeal with Isadora right behind him.

"Don't trip!" yelled Klaus and tripped him. Crap Oatmeal fell down and Isadora grabbed Sunny could hit the floor. Klaus pounced on Crap Oatmeal and began punching him.

"Don't…touch…my…sister!" Crap Oatmeal punched Klaus in the stomach and pushed Klaus off of him. Then he pulled at Isadora's foot and she landed hard on her back. Luckily, her back had no damage. Duncan jumped on top of Crap Oatmeal from no where- I mean seriously! All you see is him in the air then he lands on him!! It was awesome!- and hit Crap Oatmeal's stomach with his elbows.

"Fight, fight, fight, fight…" some people started shouting. It didn't catch on.

Surprising, really.

Violet walked over and kicked him. She knew he was dead.

I'm sorry. Please ignore the sentence above. What I meant to put is:

Violet walked over and kicked him. She knew he was still conscious, but couldn't do anything but moan. Quigley took off his shoe and put it in Crap Oatmeal's face.

Now that did some _**REAL**_ damage. That was not sarcasm.

And Sunny poked him. Isadora tapped him.

1 minute later…

Crap Oatmeal sat up.

Esme walked over and said, "If this is what you call catching the orphans, then you need help. And I need a shopping spree." then Esme walked away dragging Crap Oatmeal behind her.

Everyone cheered.

"I need a shopping spree too," said Violet.

"Me too," said Isadora. With Isadora carrying Sunny, they all ran out of the club and to the nearest big store.

* * * * * *

The boys waited outside Kohl's, waiting for the girls to come back out. Duncan was going crazy and was running around the whole entire parking lot screaming, "WOO!…WOO!…WOO!…WOO!…"

Stupid head.

"Hey!" Duncan defended…himself.

I was kidding! Geez..

"Oh. WOO!…WOO!…" Duncan started again.

"Duncan! When are you going to learn to shut up?!?!" nagged Quigley.

"Never!" screamed Duncan.

"Hey, the girls are back!" said Klaus.

Duncan stopped by his brother and stood there open mouthed.

If you are not interested in what the girls are wearing, then skip the next few paragraphs. But at least read what sunny was wearing! It's adorable!

Violet: she was wearing a teal Arizona spaghetti strap shirt with knee height jeans and teal flip flops.

Isadora: she was wearing a purple Abbey Dawn spaghetti strap shirt and knee height jeans and purple flip flops.

Sunny: a cute elephant costume thingy.

Aww…

"OO!! I WANNA HOLD SUNNY!!" yelled Duncan.

"Shut up Duncan, your disturbing the neighborhood!" said Quigley.

"What neighborhood? This is a parking lot!" yelled back Duncan. Then he ran to hold Sunny.

"I wanna hold Isa-Sunny too!" cried out Klaus.

Duncan handed Sunny to Klaus and started yelling, "Look peoples! I can fly! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" surprisingly, he _was_ flying.

Get down Duncan.

"No way! I'm Peter Pan!! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah! No eating here tonight! No, no, no! Eating here tonight! No, no, no! Eating here tonight you on a diet!!" he sang. Then he landed with a back flip.

Sunny giggled.

Aww..

Duncan started talking in a deep voice, "Who's the cutest? Who's the cutest? Hey! My voice isn't this deep! Author, fix me!"

Dude, just talk! Gosh!

"Hey, look! My voice isn't so deep anymore! Yay regular voice!"

Everyone blinked at him. Then they saw Esme walk out of Kohl's with Crap Oatmeal, who was carrying at least a thousand shopping bags.

"Look, Esme! The orphans! Lets get them!" yelled Crap Oatmeal. He looks at me and yells, "Would you please calling me that?!?! Wait, how did you know I was going to say that?"

Shh! I'm in the middle of a story!

Anyways…

"County! Being evil during a shopping spree is so 'out'." Esme said.

"But you just shopped at Kohl's!" protested Crap Oatmeal.

"But we haven't gone to Macy's yet!" Esme yelled back and dragged him by the collar to her cherry red Ferrari.

The orphans blinked at them.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, WAIT A MINUTE!!

Didn't I say Crap Oatmeal grabbed Justice Strauss just as the orphans disappeared?

I did didn't I?

"Yeah, you did!" said Violet.

"Yeah, so what's Crap Oatmeal doing here?" asked Klaus.

"Yeah, isn't he supposed to be with Justice Strauss back at his house?" asked Quigley.

"Yeah! Wouldn't Justice Strauss be here if he's here?" asked Isadora.

"Yeah! What's he doin here? He should not be here, he should not be about! He should not be here while our mothers are out!" said Duncan.

"Yeah! Goopa loopa nika fink!"

Violet whispered what she said in Duncan's ear and he repeated it, "Yeah! Duncan you can't imitate the Cat in the Hat! And I so can too!"

"Who's talking about the fish? I wanna rant too!" said the Cat in the Hat.

Go away.

(leaves)

Ok, lets just say Crap Oatmeal ordered her to clean up his house, and he wants it to be spotless.

"Oh. Ok!" said everyone.

With Justice Strauss…

"Oh, this house is filthy! And look at these spots that look like eyes on the wall! I'm going to have to get rid of those!"

She walked up to the tower.

"This tower is a giant spot that looks like an eye! I must clean it-AAAAGGGHHHH! WHO IS THIS HORRIBLE SCARY LOOKING HOBO?!? Get out! Get out! I must get this _filthy_ house back in order!"

And she started to make Crap Oatmeal's house, well, what her house looked like _before_ it burned down to the ground.

Back with the chil-orphans…

"Well, where are we going now? We obviously can't stay here if Crap Oatmeal is here," said Violet.

"Well then we're going to _have _to go to that stupid annoying green place with the bunch of doors," said Klaus. Then he felt like yelling. So he did the Tarzan yell.

Everyone whined.

Even I whined! That stupid green place is sooo annoying! But gonna have to go there.

So Klaus got out the flower, joined hands, and Klaus's pinkie, and went back to the stupid green place.

When they got there, they saw a door that _had _to be the door to a radio station, because on the door, it said 'door to radio station! which one?'.

When they opened the door, there was a computer to choose which station to go to.

Klaus typed in one and they were electrified to that particular radio station and were happy with what room they were in.

**What room was it? What radio station? You probably already guessed it, but what room? Hmmm? Ok, now peoples, you know the drill. Click that adorable little button down there and review. Its tempting, I know. Click it!**

**Michael Jackson died!! He was a 50 YEAR OLD POPSTAR. So sad, so true.**

**GO RIGHT NOW TO MissVioletBaudelaire13's profile because something big is happening. The director of the first ASOUE, whose name is Brad Silberling, and his partner Robert Gordon are planning to make ASOUE 2!!! This is HUGE news. But get this-Brad wants to make the sequel **_**animated**_**. That is SOOOO not right. Plus, they want new people to play the important roles. It doesn't matter if Liam Aiken and Emily Browning are too old now. Nobody cares. What's also important, Jim Carrey MUST be Count Olaf. They've talked to Tim Burton, and if he directs it, he won't make it animated, but live-action. But WAIT!! They are not making it official, yet. They say they are going to film in June of 2010. There is a petition that requires 10,000 signatures so that a letter can be sent to them. On MissVioletBaudelaire13's page, her You tube account is right there. Click on it, and go down to her favorites. The video is the first one. It's called, Lemony Snicket Sequel. **

**So come on! Make this happen! More info in the description box belonging to the video with website links helping the matter. So come on! Tell your ASOUE fan friends!!! We have to make this work. A Series of Unfortunate Events deserves a sequel!! Don't hesitate! **

**Remember: 'He or she who hesitates, is lost.' **

**Gosh, this author's note is longer than the chapter, so review and sign!**

**(Sign, first)**

**;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm back! How's everyone been? Hmm? Hope y'all been good. Chapter 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Reviewers to thank from chapter 6!:**

**The Sudoku Kid-thanks!**

**MissVioletBaudelaire13-yeah I know.**

**vampiregirl899-…um…I'll e-mail you about that.**

**XD!!!! I'm really happy about chapter 7 because 7's a lucky number!**

**Sign the petition! Read the authors note at the end of chapter 6 to get to it!**

**Duncan: Number 7!! Woo!!**

**Shut it.**

**Here goes………………….**

A Series of Strange Events

Chapter 7-XD:

The Berserk Beginning

Snicket: He, he, he.

Me: Don't even _think_ about it.

Snicket: I'm sorry.

Me: Good. Now go away.

Snicket: But I don't wanna go away!! I still have a lot to do I have to…

Me: (saying to readers)He just doesn't shut up does he? You don't know what its like to start typing and have Snicket over here bothering you! I'M LITERALLY GOING CRAZY!!!

Snicket: (still listing things he has to do- and I reaaaallllly don't care)

Me: Well, obviously, he's not going to shut up, so I might as well start the story…

"Awesomeness!! We're in the room where they host 103.7 the Q!! Ye-ah! I can not believe Ryan Seacrest sat in this very seat…SWEET!!!"

"Stop going crazy, Duncan!" shouted Violet.

"Why is this place empty?" asked Klaus, " Shouldn't someone be here hosting the station?" Quigley whispered in Klaus's ear, "Maybe, Crap Oatmeal killed them all." Klaus immediately yelled, "Oh shut up, Quigley!"

"Um, hello! Haven't you people noticed that we're in the hosting room…thing…_alone_? And that _we_ can the host show?" asked Isadora.

"Dooly," said Sunny. Which meant something along the lines of, "She's has a point." No one felt like translating so no one translated. There was silence for a minute, so I translated.

"What do you mean she has a point?! What the heck is her point?! I didn't see or hear a point in there! Klaus back me up here!" yelled Duncan.

"You're on your own buddy," he said, and grabbed a chocolate bar out of nowhere and walked out of the room and into the nearest bathroom.

"Ok, Quigley back me up!" Duncan yelled. But then he saw that Quigley was on his knees admiring the wooden door.

Why?

I don't know. So don't ask.

Wait…

Now I know why!! Because for some reason, Violet taped her ribbon to the door. Now Quigley was on his knees as if her ribbon was the Queen of England or something. Weirdy.

Just then, Crap Oatmeal burst through the door and shouted, "-"

Yeah, he didn't shout anything. He didn't have enough time. Quigley started attacking him like a maniac and sounded like Spongebob Sqaurepants. You know all he was doing was running towards him flinging his arms and legs at him until Crap Oatmeal was out of the room. Quigley immediately slammed the door and went back down on his knees staring admiringly at the ribbon- I mean- Queen of England. This happened constantly. Like 1000 times and no one cared.

You know, Crap Oatmeal hasn't complained about me calling him Crap Oatmeal yet. Quigley must have done some damage.

After watching the first few times, everyone turned their heads back to Isadora and Duncan.

"Well looks like no one's gonna back you up, Duncan," Isadora said.

"Well I'm sorry if Klaus is in the bathroom and Quigley is busy staring at Violet's ribbon like it's the Queen of England!" yelled Duncan.

For your info, Violet at the moment was watching Quigley attack Crap Oatmeal and Isadora and Duncan fight. It was the best day of her life. So far. Sunny was doing the exact same thing. It was also the best day of her life. So far.

Then Klaus opened the door and said, "I-" not enough time to scream. Poor thing. Quigley attacked him until Klaus was out of the room.

"I could've warned you, but I didn't feel like it," Crap Oatmeal told Klaus.

"You disgust me!" yelled Klaus.

"So? That's your problem," said Crap Oatmeal.

"How is it my problem?"

"I don't know."

"Why I outta…" Klaus started.

"OOO! So now you're gonna beat me up?!"

Klaus sighed and said, "No," then yelled, "I'M GOING TO LET QUIGLEY DO IT!!!!" Klaus opened the door and pushed Crap Oatmeal through.

Awesome idea!!

Yeah, Crap Oatmeal got attacked, and Klaus ran inside, past Quigley and his victim, next to Isadora.

"Well it's about time to host the show and I'm going to do it, even if you're not," Isadora said.

"You don't even know how to get yourself on the air! And your smarter than me!" Duncan yelled.

"Sure I do. It's this big red button and I have to hold it down. For some reason things like these always have to do with big red buttons," Isadora said.

Seriously, no offense and all, but I find Quigley's way of spending time today much more entertaining than Isadora's and Duncan's fight. And Duncan's the funny one!!

Well, Klaus ended up getting _really_ bored. He just felt like talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking until he was all talked out. But he was quiet. And since I'm doing all the talking here, I'm going to let Klaus take over.

"YES!! FINALLY!!!! HERE I COME!!! MR. KLAUSY UNIVERSE!!!!!" he yelled.

I'm starting to think I'm letting him have too much freedom.

"NO, NO, NO!! I'LL BE GOOD I** _PROMISE_**!!!"

Fine. But you have to stop yelling in Caps Lock.

"It's a deal!!"

Then Klaus yelled at Violet, Sunny, Isadora, and Duncan, "What are you looking at??"

"YOU!!" Duncan yelled. Then he said, "Get it? He said '_What_ are you looking at' and I said 'You!' get it?? GET IT?!?!?!"

"No, Duncan. We don't get it," Isadora said.

"You mean…it-it-it's not funny? At all??? DID I LOSE MY CHARM IN HUMOR?!?!?! DID I!?!?!?!?" Duncan freaked out. He's still freaking out. I think he's going through some kind of breakdown or something. It's kind of creepy. I know one thing, I'm keeping my distance from him.

While Duncan was going through his breakdown, Isadora pressed and held down the big red button and began talking, "This is 103.7 the Q. Ooo! A caller! Who is this?"

"Speak, speak, speak." went the caller.

"Oh hi Miranda!"

"Speak, speak, speak."

"Oh you have a request? What is it?"

"Speak, speak, speak."

"Gasp! Your dad was in a car accident?"

"Speak, speak, speak."

"She didn't."

"Speak, speak, speak."

"She didn't!!"

"Speak, speak, speak."

"Oh no he did-n't!"

Duncan paused from his breakdown and stared at her. And Violet, Sunny, and Klaus stopped watching Duncan go through his breakdown and started watching Isadora. And Quigley stopped staring at Violet's ribbon like it was the Queen of England and started staring at Isadora like she was some psycho. To tell the truth, the caller wasn't talking at all. All the caller was saying was, 'speak, speak ,speak' .

WHY IS IT SO FREAKIN BORING IN HERE?!?!?!?!?!

"I don't know. Why don't you ask Duncan?" said Klaus.

Gosh. I really hate this chapter so far.

I WILL MAKE IT BETTER!!!!!!

RANDOM JUMPING!!

Everybody started jumping. Then Duncan started saying, "Jumpy, jumpy, jumpy." and that got _really_ annoying.

DO THE SUNNYSMILE DANCE!!!!!

"Yay!!!" shouted everybody.

Violet put Sunny on the chair that Isadora was no longer on and the people started dancing the Sunny Smile dance for her.

Duncan started off "When your feeling low, lower than the floor. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Don't make a move till your in the groove, and do the Sunny Smile dance!!!"

(they bent down and stood right back up)

"Just hop 3 times like a kangaroo!" sang Klaus.

"Side step twice just like those crabs do," sang Violet.

"3 steps forward 1 step back," sang Quigley.

"Quick like a turtle lie on your back," sang Isadora.

"Roll like a log till you can't no more," sang Klaus.

"Hop up quick like there ain't no floor," sang Violet.

"Hold your breath, jump to the left," sang Quigley.

"And that's the Sunny Smile, I swear that's the Sunny Smile, that's the Sunny Smile Dance!!" sand Duncan as they faced Sunny-or an empty chair. I guess they got carried away in doing the little dance thing they didn't notice, Sunny not being there. All that was on a chair was a note that said:

**Orphans:**

**(I hope you feel hurt because I didn't put **_**Dear**_** Orphans!!)**

**I have stolen your pet monkey and brought her to my lair-MWA HA HA HA HA!!- ok, **_**house. **_**But can I **_**please**_** call it my lair? Who am I kidding? I can do what I want!! Anyways, if you ever want to see your monkey again, you must come to my **_**lair**_**- ha ha on you!!!- and participate in the play that starts this evening. I made a list of who should play whom:**

**Crazy Ribbon Girl: the bride.**

**Ugly Glasses Dude: the front part of the donkey.**

**Insane Dude: the back part of the donkey.**

"Ha, ha, I get the front part," teased Klaus. Then Duncan punched Klaus really, really hard, then the children kept on reading:

**Weird Poet Girl: um…the flower girl, yeah!**

**And That Person Who's left Over: the cheerleader- don't forget your cheer uniform!**

**Your beloved, Count Olaf.**

Violet started cheering, "Yeah!! I might be marrying a hot dude!!"

Quigley glared at her.

Then she said in a dull voice, "I mean, oh I might be marrying a hot dude."

Everyone started complaining about their parts in the play, but them I zapped them with lightning and they disappeared.

They reappeared in Count Olaf- I mean Crap Oatmeal- and landed right on top of Count , I mean, oh forget it.

Count Olaf.

**I didn't like this chapter very much. And I have to admit, Chapter 6 was pretty suckish too. Well, I decided since I barely get reviews, I'm just going to go ahead and post chapters up. **

**But that's doesn't mean you can't review.**

**JOKE!!**

**You don't have to review, I just want to entertain you ppl!!**

**Although, please sign the petition, more info on authors note at end of chapter 6.**

**Oh and I know the Sunny Smile Dance is a lame name and is actually the Peter Panda Dance. That certain dance will be needed later on!**

**Bye!!!!**

**;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8!!**

**I've decided to type chapters up and post them as fast as I can. I'm going to be busy this school year, so hopefully I can get The Berserk Beginning finished before school starts.**

**Reviewers to thank from chapter 7:**

**The Sudoku Kid**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ASOUE!!!**

**Why is life so unfair to me? That would be sooo awesome!**

**A Series of Strange Events**

**Chapter 8:**

**The Berserk Beginning**

Me: Chapter 8...

Snicket: Hey, I'm 8 years old!!

Me: No you're not! You're older!

Snicket: …How do you know that…?

Me: Because I'm psychic, now let me do this chapter!

Snicket: No!!!!! Never!!!

Me: Snicket…

Snicket: No!!!! Never!!!!!!!!!

Me: Oh yeah? Then what do you call me typing Chapter 8 and you not doing anything about?!

Snicket: …I'm going to go get some Milo's Tea…

Me: Ok…ENJOY!!!!

"Gosh, what have you been eating!!" yelled Count Olaf(yes, I gave in…but I'll get him back!).

Klaus then looked pale and said, "NOTHING!!!!IT'S BEEN AT LEAST 2 DAYS, I THINK!! AND WE HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING!! Well, Quigley ate a burrito, I think. BUT I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING!!!! FEED MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Ok, he _yelled._

"GET THE HECK OFF ME ORPHANS!!" yelled Count Olaf. They got off him.

The others haven't said anything yet. I guess their shocked from that zap of lightning…I could use that again…

"NO!! Please!! Never again!!" Duncan begged.

Whatever.

Isadora gulped and said, "Next time a thunderstorm starts, I'm going to hide under a couch. It does _not_ feel good to be struck by lightning." Then she walked upstairs to a bathroom. She might've had to go throw up. Or maybe she just had to_ go_. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

Violet began recovering and said, "Count Olaf. You know why we're here. We're here to watch me marry a hot dude."

Quigley glared at air.

"I thought you were here to save that chimp," said Count Olaf.

"We are," Violet began, "We're also here to see me marry a hot dude."

Olaf got a confused look on his face, then said, "Well you're out of luck! I'm playing the groom!"

Violet went into a state of shock and got stuck in it. Her jaw dropped and she was staring at the air that Quigley glared at.

"YES! No hot dude…now I don't have to beat anyone up…" Quigley said, then he became deeply entertained in watching Klaus and Duncan doing their Shock Off Stare Down. Isadora came back down and started yelling, "WHY ARE YOU IN YOUR HOUSE, COUNT OLAF?!?!?! WHY?!?!? CAN'T YOU LEAVE US ALONE?!?!?" then she started crying and said, "Just give us Sunny back." then she was all happy and said, "At least we get to be in a play! I love plays!"

Klaus looked at her and said to Duncan, "I didn't know your sister was moody…"

Then Duncan said to Quigley, "I didn't know our sister was moody…"

Then Quigley said to Violet, "I didn't know my sister was moody…"

"That's because she's not. 3 letters with an 'ing' at the end," Violet said absent-mindly, still in shock.

I ended up getting _really _bored, so I punched Klaus, Quigley, and Duncan for no particular reason at all.

Olaf got bored and felt like making people feel sad. So he began walking away while saying, "While you're here, make yourselves useful, before the play starts in a few hours, and complete this list of chores." he threw the list behind him.

Klaus picked it up and read it out loud,

"**Ribbon-oholic- do the dishes. **_**ALL**_** of the dishes."**

Violet looked into the kitchen and at the dishes. If infinity had a length, that would be how high it was stacked. He continued,

"**Read-oholic- clean my room."**

"Awwww man!!" Klaus complained. He kept reading,

"**Insane Dude-oholic- sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing at all until everyone else is done with their chores."**

"WHY DID I GET THE HARDEST CHORE?!?!" Duncan screamed. Klaus went on,

"**Poet-oholic- do the invisible chair against the wall until everyone else is done with their chores."**

"Aww!" complained Isadora. Klaus put his arm around her to comfort her and kept reading,

"**And The Person That I Can't Think Of An Insult-oholic- walk around the house."**

"Sweet! I got the easiest chore!" squealed Quigley.

**1 hour Later…**

"YES FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sweet mother of Pearl…" Duncan cried.

"Alright you disgusting orphans, you better be done with your chores!!" Olaf shouted.

The children lined really quick and put their hands to their hands and said, "YES, SIR!!!" FINE!!! They _yelled._

"Hmm…only 2 more hours till the show. Wait right here!!" he yelled and left and came back 8 seconds later.

"YOUR CHOERS AREN'T FINISHED!! GO DO THEM!!!!!!!!"

**1 hour later…**

"OH OLAAAAF!!! WE'RE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Duncan.

Olaf came pounding down the steps from the tower that the orphans knew nothing about until now.

Hm. Its quite sad, really. No.

"Hey, what's up there?!," asked Klaus.

"That is the tower. Which you are never to enter." Olaf said very dramatically. He closed up on Klaus's face, "Under any circumstances."

"WOO, DEAR GOD YOUR BREATH STINKS!!" Klaus yelled and slapped him.

Olaf was knocked down. Everyone cheered.

"YAAAAY!!"

He got back up.

"BOOOO!!"

Olaf got reaaaallllly mad. He turned a deep red and smoke started coming out of his ears, his fingernails turned white, an-

"Shut up and put what happened already!!" yelled Duncan.

"GO TO HAIR, MAKE-UP AND COSTUMES!!!!" he yelled and pointed to the backyard.

"Not until you tell us where Sunny is," Isadora said.

"I'll tell you, when you go to HAIR, MAKE-UP, AND COSTUMES!!!!"

The orphans ran out the backdoor.

**1 hour later, just before show time…**

The orphans met below a hole in the ceiling backstage.

"I don't like being a cheerleader uniform. It feels weird." Quigley said. Olaf's henchmen weren't very nice and made him put on a skirt.

Klaus smiled and pointed, " It makes you look-"

"DUDE I KNOW!!!!!"

Klaus backed down.

Olaf walked over to them. "How are you horrible orphans? Wait- I don't care."

"Alright Olaf, tell us where Sunny is." Isadora ordered.

Olaf pointed up.

"In your finger?" asked Quigley.

"DON'T WORRY SUNNY!! I'LL SAVE YOU!!" Duncan yelled and began pulling at Olaf's finger.

"Your monkey is not in my finger!! Look up!!" Olaf yelled.

They looked up and saw Sunny in a bird cage, and gasped.

Olaf turned around and began walking away, "By the way, the play is real. Violet, we're getting married which means I'm getting your fortune. Don't try anything clever. I'll just tell one of my henchman up there to drop her to her DOOM!! Blah, blah, blah. Threat, threat, threat. Goodbye!! Olaf walked onto the stage.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I'M MARRYING COUNT OLAF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!!!!!!! CAN'T I MARRY JOHNNY DEPP OR SOMETHING?!?!?!"

"Seriously dude, that's just nasty. You marrin' Olaf and all." said Duncan.

"I don't want Olaf to be my brother in law!!!!!………………….......That's stupid!!!!" Klaus complained.

"Well if we don't want Olaf to marry Violet, we'll have to get Sunny down, " Quigley said very knowingly. Duncan slapped across the back of his head and said, "Naw, that's a stupid idea…..Hey, if we don't want Olaf to marry Violet, we'll have to get Sunny down!!"

"I said that." said Quigley.

"You sure 'bout that?" asked Duncan. Then he said, "Don't worry peoples, I will save Sunny!!" he stretched out his hand and grabbed air.

"You stupid head," insulted Klaus.

"Hey guys, I have a plan!!" Violet said.

Everyone turned to her and saw her holding an invention that looked like a broken umbrella, a spring, and some red holder thing-a-ma-bob.

"Wow Violet, I never knew you could come up with a plan _and_ an invention without your hair up," Klaus said.

"Actually I _did_ put my hair up. You just didn't see me."

"Nah er!!!"

"Yes I did!!"

"Nah-er!!"

"I so did!!"

"Seriously, stop fighting. Violet tell us the plan," said Isadora.

"Ok, here it is:"…

**Did you like it??? Hate it??? Love it??? Don't know yet??? I don't know if I laughed. Can't remember. I'm sick!! :*(**

**I'm scared I have the flu. EEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!**

**Well this sucks. While I vent on stuff, click on the cute button!! (I'm not forcing you)**

**;) **


	9. Chapter 9

**C H A P T E R 9.**

**Ohh yeah!!**

**Reviewers to thank!:**

**The sudoku kid**

**Hazeljv**

**And from chapter 5:…**

**Someone you know- do I _seriously_ know you??**

**Alright people down to business!! Lets try to make this work!**

**Disclaimer: I do _NOT_own ASOUE. (sad violin music playing in the background.)**

**A Series of Strange Events**

**Chapter 9:**

**The Berserk Beginning**

Snicket: I'm almost done typing the _real_story!! Then when I'm done, I'll be able to upload!! MUA HA, HA, HA, HA!!

Me: Dude I'm right here. Don't make me get my lion on you!

Snicket: You don't have a lion!

Me: Yes I do. Her name is Dawn.

Snicket: Oh I see.

Me: NOW GET OUTTA MY CHAIR!

Snicket: Yes ma'am.

…chapter 9 starts…

NOW.

"Hello and welcome to the show! Please enjoy the Marvelous Marriage. Good-bye," introduced the hook handed man.

The lights went out and a booming voice in the background said, "And now for the opening act!"

Duncan began dancing across the stage saying, "Oh, yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…" when he got to the middle of the stage, he stopped because he realized he was on stage. He stopped cold.

Rock music started playing and Duncan started singing, "Hey hey you yo-" then Isadora ran on stage and grabbed him.

Silence.

"That was their opening act? He sucked!" someone called out from the crowd**.**

"Duncan, what were you thinking?" Violet said when Isadora had brought him back backstage.

"I was thinking about getting chapter 9 started, oh yeah!!"

"Whatever! Do you remember the plan?" Isadora asked.

"What plan?" he asked.

Violet glared at him.

"Ohh, _that_ plan. Yeah sure. I remember. Klaus might have to retell it to me, but yeah, I remember."

(he doesn't remember)

"Scene 1!" said the booming voice.

"I'll go get Klaus," Isadora ran off.

The hook handed man walked onto the stage.

"I am here to hunt a donkey for my boss, the handsome Count," then he immediately said, "Don't judge me."

Then he pulls out a gun.

Isadora and Klaus came running up to Violet and Duncan.

"Where, oh, where can the fat donkey be? Oh, where, oh ,where can it beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?" the hook handed man sang.

"Well, get under," Klaus turned around.

"Grrr. I hate the back part of the mule," Duncan complained.

"First of all, it's a _donkey_, not a mule. Second of all, being the back part of the donkey is part of the plan."

"It is?"

Violet glared at him.

"I mean it is."

"That's better," Violet said.

Duncan got under and saw a bunch of buttons.

"What?" he asked pretty weirded out.

"DONKEEEY!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!"

"Alright, Duncan. Press the blue then the red button, then use the arrow buttons to scroll. Now go!" Violet ordered.

Klaus put the donkey head on.

"DONKEEEY!! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!!!

The_ donkey_ walked onto the stage.

"OMG! A DONKEY!"

Duncan pressed the blue then the red button.

You see what Violet did, she installed a device that looked like a computer monitor with a bunch of buttons around it. The device was supposed to show the interior and exterior of the tower that Sunny was being held captive in. Duncan was supposed to find a safe way in-quickly.

A bunch of numbers showed up on the screen and then the tower showed up. He, surprisingly, _very_ surprisingly, knew what to do even though he forgot the plan.

"Whoa…" he said.

"I THINK I'LL KILL IT NOW!!" shouted the hook handed man.

Then it looked like the hook handed man was loading up his gun.

"NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!!" Klaus shouted, and he began sprinting across the stage.

"Mommy! Donkey can talk!" called out a little girl.

"Klaus, your going too fast!! I can't concentrate!" Duncan yelled.

"Concentrate, shmoncentrate, we're about to get shot!"

"Mommy! Donkey butt can talk!" called out a little girl.

"Yeah, right," Duncan murmured.

"COME BACK HERE YOU UGLY DONKEY!!" yelled out the hook handed man.

Backstage right by the stage-if you know what I mean- Violet slapped her head because of her brother's stupidity.

Quigley walked up right next to Violet and said, "They're screwed. Sunny's screwed. We're screwed. We're all dead."

"Exactly," Violet said.

Just then, the freakin' hook handed man elbowed the freakin' _donkey _which made the freakin' screen say MALFUNCTION which totally made freakin' Duncan get freakin' scared because he wasn't freakin' done and then him and freakin' Klaus fell to the freakin' floor because the freakin' hook handed man freakin' elbowed them and Klaus's freakin' donkey head freakin' fell off and freakin' Duncan freakin' fell out the freakin' back part and the freakin' hook handed man freakin' aimed at freakin' Klaus and then pulled the freakin' trigger and…

…nothing. Nothing. At all.

"Hmm, oh well. that's embarrassing," Klaus said.

Duncan sat up rubbing his head and said, "Ya think?"

"Hooky! You need to stop playing hooky. And tell me why there are a bunch of a bottles of cokes out there! Now!" Klaus ordered.

…weird…I personally thought he was ok…he must've hit his head on something…

"What was that?" Klaus asked.

"End of scene 1!" shouted the booming voice.

Isadora ran on stage and began dragging Klaus and Duncan while saying, "Oh, when are you two going to learn??"

"Learn what? 2+2= FISH!!!" Klaus shouted.

"Hey, I like the new Klaus. He's dumber than me!" Duncan said while smiling. They reached backstage.

"Klaus, what were you thinking?" Violet criticized.

"I don't know. What was I thinking?" Klaus asked her.

"I was kinda hoping you would tell me, Klaus!"

"Well you're outta luck sista."

Violet rolled her eyes.

"I'll handle this, Violet," Isadora said.

She slapped Klaus in the face and yelled, "Snap out of it!!!"

Klaus jumped like 50 feet in the air and landed on top of Quigley.

"Dear God, Isadora! Don't scare me like that!"

"Wow you fixed him, " said Duncan.

"Hey Duncan, did you finish it?" asked Violet.

"…Maybe…" he said.

"Oh my gosh Duncan, you and Klaus are so screwed."

"What? Why?"

"Now you'll have to figure out the rest on your way up there!!" Violet yelled at him.

"Whoops…"

"Klaus. I'd very much appreciated it if you'd GET OFF MY BACK!!" shouted Quigley.

"Sorry dude. Hey Vi, when do me and Duncan leave to get Sunny?" Klaus asked as he got off of Quigley.

"Now for scene 2!!" called out the booming voice.

"Right now."

**Sweet! I'm finished!! With chapter 9 I mean. …so…did you like it? I don't know if I like it…I just made it out the top of my head and I haven't read over it or let my sister finish reading it. So I seriously don't know right now. Oh, at the beginning of the chappie, violet and Isadora at right next to the stage and Klaus and Quigley are _back_ backstage. Let me know if anything confuses you.**

**You can review if you want too. I don't know how you guys do it but that button is just _completely _adorable…**

**Bye! **

**Stay tuned for chapter 10!!**

**;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sup people! I'm back! This time with chappie 10! And cookies! Kidding about the cookies. ):**

**Hey guys, I seriously thought I uploaded chapter 10. I was all 'I uploaded chapter 10, I gotta get to typing chapter 11'. I seriously must've got confused or something…**

**Thanks readers!!:**

**New review chapter 6- TheBaudelaireOrphan**

**New review chapter 3-ARiN**

**Chapter 9-**

**Hazeljv-I did it again! (:**

**The sudoku kid**

**TheBaudelaireOrphan**

**Disclaimer: I am serious! I DON'T own ASOUE!! (I'm Serious. Sirius Black…get it? [in Harry Potter]) **

**Story time!!**

**A Series of Strange Events**

**Chapter 10:**

**The Berserk Beginning**

Snicket: SUNNY deleted the real story. Tear, tear.

Me: For a good reason!!

Snicket: (leans toward typewriter when I'm not looking and starts typing).

Me: Snicket, I swear to Hercules!

Snicket: ???

Me: just…go…go play with Barney!!

Snicket: But-

Me: Grrr.

Snicket: (leaves)

Me: …chapter…10...

"I don't feel sooo alone…Wait, I'm on?!(Cough) AHEM!! SCENE 2!!" went the deep booming voice.

Klaus and Duncan had already left. They were trying to get through the audience without being seen. For those people who did not understand, they were trying not to get caught while they were behind the audience.

Olaf walked on stage and began speaking his lines in such a horrible acting voice, I had to wear earplugs.

Exactly.

"OH ME, OH MY, I AM LOOKING FOR A FLOWER GIRL TO THROW FLOWERS AT THE WEDDING THAT I HAVEN'T ARRANGED YET!! I KNOW!! I ASK MY NEICE!!"

One of the many reasons why I had to wear earplugs. And yes, he said 'I ask my neice'. He's that stupid.

"Alright Izzy, that's your cue," said Quigley.

"I _know_ it's my cue," said Isadora.

"Then go."

"I don't _feel_ like it, though."

"Isadora, _go_."

"I'll go when I want to!"

"I WONDER WHERE MY _NIECE_ IS!!!!!"

Violet walked over and said, "Isadora, I think it's your cue, maybe you should go."

"Ok."

Isadora walked on stage, she saw some movement in the back and knew it was her brother, Duncan, and Klaus.

Quigley was open mouthed.

"How, how, how did _you _get her to go???"

"It's the girl code, you wouldn't understand."

"Alright, what do you want?" Isadora said low and dully.

"Speak louder," Olaf whispered.

Isadora grunted and sa-_yelled,_ "ALRIGHT, WHAT DO YOU WANT??!!"

"I WANT YOU-" he pointed to the audience, "-wait not you-" he pointed to Isadora, "I WANT YOU TO BE THE FLOWER GIRL AT THE WEDDING I HAVE BEEN TO LAZY TO ARRANGE!!"

"WHAT'S THE POINT IF IT HASN'T BEEN ARRANGED??!" Isadora asked.

"OH! UM…!!" Olaf dragged Violet onto the stage. "WILL YOU MARRY ME TONIGHT??!!"

"Yeah, sure," she said, looking at her nails with extreme interest and concentration. Olaf pushed her backstage.

"ALRIGHT, NOW, WILL YOU BE THE FLOWER GIRL NOW??!"

"OK!"

"GO PICK OUT A DRESS!!"

Scene 2 was supposed to end right there, but Klaus and Duncan weren't at the tower yet, and even though kids were in the play, kids weren't allowed in the audience. But that kid who told their mom that the donkey could talk had a rich family. So the mom gave the cash person a big amount of money. Anyways, the audience would begin walking around and talking.

Isadora looked at the guys. They started mouthing stuff and doing weird gestures.

"What?" she mouthed.

Then Duncan and Klaus each held a poster which put together said, "STALL HIM"

She nodded.

"UM, UNCLE OLAF, DO YOU LIKE RAINY DAYS??!"

"WHAT?" Olaf asked Isadora.

"DO YOU LIKE RAINY DAYS?!"

"UH..!"

"JUST A SPARK OF CURIOSITY!"

"OH!!"

"I FEEL LIKE STOPPING YELLING!!"

"Yeah my throats hurting," said Olaf.

Silence.

"Well…go pick out your dress!"

"Yeah, I would but… I _really_ don't feel like it right now."

"Go pick out your dress!!"

"I heart panda bears!!!"

"That's great, Isadora."

"Mm-hmm! Ahh…"

"Isadora, go!"

"Hey look, the dialogue slants!!" Isadora yelled.

"Oh my gosh Isadora. Go!!"

"NO!!"

She ran into the audience.

"What is she doing?" Quigley asked Violet.

"Stalling, Klaus and Duncan aren't at the tower yet."

Isadora went to the pianist and handed him a CD.

"Play that," she said.

The pianist pulled a radio out of nowhere.

"_I'll be out of my mind, and you'll be out of ideas pretty soon,_

_So lets spend the afternoon in a cold hot air balloon._

_Leave your jackets behind,_

_Lean out and touch the treetops over town._

_I can't wait to kiss the ground when ever we touch back down!!"_

It sang.

"It's a song!!"

"What is this?" Olaf yells.

"A song!!" Isadora yelled.

"No, what did you give him??!" Olaf said, hoping for a better answer than telling him it was a song.

"Owl City Remix of all his songs," she said guiltily.

"GO GET YOUR DRESS!! Or…" he pulled an antenna out the pocket of his shirt. The antenna to a walkie talkie.

"Fine, gosh," Isadora said and walked to the backstage.

"END OF SCENE 2!!" went the deep booming voice.

"Duncan, do something!" Klaus whispered.

"Me? You're the smart one!" Duncan whispered.

"Well you're the creative one!!" Klaus whispered.

"True," said Duncan. He pulled out his ipod and put on a creature chant.

"_Arankayo wamosay paprikajamalatesa rekimbiyorafragona this is what we creatures sing_…"

Everyone immediately stood up and immediately began dancing to it.

It was straaange…

"You have that on your ipod??" Klaus whispered.

"Well I thought it'd come in handy," Duncan said.

"You _are_ the creative one…" Klaus said, weirded out.

Duncan dropped his ipod and began running with Klaus to the tower.

**Did you like it?? Hey, I got that 'spark of curiosity' thing from my sister. That creature chant was from the Scooby-Doo movie, just in case you don't already know. Sorry it took me so long to post. October has been a **_**VERY**_** stressing month for me. Way too much work. But I'm so happy I finally finished this chapter! I'll try to finish the eleventh quick! Bye peoples!! R&R!!**

**Btw, go to this link:**

**h t t p : / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v = O s 7 W O l j L q 5 A **

**This is the link, just spaced out. type it in, you know, together.**

**Its awesome!! You'll be glad you did!**

**;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11! It's sad how my author notes seem longer than my story. Sad and strange.**

**Anyways!**

**Reviewers to thank:**

**Hazeljv**

**TheBaudelaireOrphan**

**the sudoku kid**

**Disclaimer: I do Not own ASOUE. (tears roll down my cheek).**

**But I do own this version! (beat that! Plus I got Rainbow Veins!)**

**A Series of Strange Events:**

**Chapter 11:**

**The Berserk Beginning:**

Snicket:….Dear Pacific Bay, won't you take me away…?

Me: What are you doing?

Snicket: Nothing…Now go buy that album so I can have the type writer to myself and type up the _real_ story!

Me: Mmm-hmmm…not gonna happen.

Snicket: Awww, please.

Me: No! Now go!

Snicket: But-

Me: No buts! Go occupy your time by retyping my sisters work!

Snicket: But she kicked me out a long time ago!

Me: Well go again!

Snicket: But she'll kick me out again!

Me: Go!

Snicket: Fine…(mumbles to himself while walking out of the room)

Me: Now, Chapter 11...

*****

"SCENE 3!" yelled the deep booming voice.

Klaus and Duncan got to the tower.

"Great, now how are we going to get in?" Klaus asked.

"I don't know. There must be a door. Or else Violet wouldn't have put a direction thing in the donkey suit," Duncan said.

"Your right, go around and look for one," Klaus told him.

Duncan began walking around the tower. 30 seconds later, Duncan came back.

"No door," he said.

"Wait, how'd you go around the tower so fast? It's huge!" Klaus exclaimed, confused.

"Well, it's actually a lot smaller than you think it is, especially when your running," Duncan answered. Klaus made a face.

"Ok, um…." Klaus began thinking.

"You know, why can't we go inside through that window up there?" Duncan asked.

"That's a great idea Duncan…" Klaus started. Duncan beamed.

"But we're not 50 feet tall! That thing is all the way up there!" he finished.

"Oh, then just invent something," Duncan said while playing with an umbrella that had no fabric on the top.

"Come on, Duncan, you know inventing is Violet's thing, not mine!"

"Well, you're a very smart scholar, why don't you give it a go?" Duncan asked in a London accent while wrapping a long long long long long long long long rope around his neck.

"Hmmm…" Klaus went into deep thought.

"What would Violet do? What would Violet do? What would Violet do?…" he repeated this to himself over and over again.

"WWVD!!" Duncan randomly shouted. Klaus pounced on Duncan as the audience turned to see who shouted.

"Have you no decency! We're supposed to _NOT _get caught!" Klaus whispered loudly.

When the audience turned back around, the boys stood back up.

"THAT'S IT!!!! I GOT IT!!"" Klaus shouted.

Duncan pounced on Klaus as the audience turned to see who shouted.

"Have you no decency! We're supposed to _NOT _get caught!" Duncan whispered loudly. Klaus rolled his eyes.

When the audience turned back around, the boys stood back up.

"Anyways, if we tie that rope onto the bottom of that umbrella, it could be like the hook of a fishing line, only larger and stronger. We can throw the hook up to the window and climb up! And there you have it! I call it, the Horrifying Hook," Klaus said as he tied the rope to the umbrella.

"Good job scholar! I knew you could figure it out!" Duncan said with a London accent and he picked up a dirty old pipe and put it in his mouth.

"Dang, this place has everything!" Duncan said in a London accent. It sounded weird though.

"Come on, Duncan, help me throw this to the window," Klaus said.

"Sir, yes, sir!" he said in a military way with his hand up to his forehead.

They got the hook onto the window and began climbing.

Duncan on top, Klaus on bottom.

"Oops…"

"What happened?" Klaus asked.

"I farted."

"…Have I ever mentioned I hate you?"

"No-"

"I hate you!" Klaus said quickly.

"Fine then, you can't date my sister," Duncan said.

"What, pff, pff, pff…pff! I don't like your sister!" Klaus lied. Which was obvious.

"Yeah, and like she hasn't written 'I love Klaus Baudelaire' all over her diary…" Duncan said sarcastically.

"Uhh… pff!!" Klaus pff-ed, not knowing what to say.

"Uh-oh," Duncan said looking down.

"What now?" Klaus said aggravated.

"I just now remembered…I'm afraid of heights."

"Um, ok, just sing a song about hot air balloons and keep climbing!"

"Ok, Klaus. Um…_I'll be out of my mind, and you'll be out of ideas pretty soon,_

_So lets spend the afternoon in a cold hot air balloon._

_Leave your jackets behind,_

_Lean out and touch the treetops over town._

_I can't wait to kiss the ground when ever we touch back down, _

Oh that doesn't help!! Hot air balloons are in the air!! And I thought you were the smart one!!"

"Ok, think about the letter C , I don't know!!"

"Ok, Klaus. C is for cookie, and cookie is for me…" Duncan sang that song to himself over and over.

They finally got to the window. Duncan climbed in.

Klaus grabbed the window bottom thingy, you know what I mean, and he slipped. The hook fell. Klaus looked down.

"Hey, help me up Duncan…"

Klaus grabbed a hand and made his way through the window and fell onto the floor.

"Thanks, Duncan!"

"I didn't help you…" Duncan said backing away.

"What do you-" Klaus turned around and stopped talking. It was the Hook-Handed Man.

"Hello, are you lost?" he asked.

A whimper escaped from Klaus's mouth.

Duncan grabbed Klaus's arm and yelled "RUN!!" they ran up the stairs. They came to a metal door. Klaus threw it open and the guys ran inside. There was a metal hallway. One foot in it, and both of them were shocked. Like, electrocuted.

They backed away and bumped into the Hook-Handed Man.

He chuckled. "You'll never get through that. Olaf used to be friends with your parents. They told him things about you kids. Your fun, everything, so he could've used any code to trap this hallway," he said.

"Wait a minute…" Duncan began to do some serious thinking. He turned purple.

"THE SUNNYSMILE DANCE!!" Duncan yelled. The Hook-Handed Man punched him.

"Klaus, do the SunnySmile dance!!" Duncan yelled while trying to fend off hooky.

"Ok…"

"When your feeling low, lower than the floor. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Don't make a move till your in the groove, and do the Sunny Smile dance!!!"

(he bent down and stood right back up)

"Just hop 3 times like a kangaroo,

Side step twice just like those crabs do…"

Giant deadly metal thorns came down immediately as he stepped.

They came down in the previous spots.

"3 steps forward 1 step back…"

"Quick like a turtle lie on your back!" Duncan yelled. Hooky pushed Duncan's head up against the wall. Hard.

Once Klaus ducked, Fire went across right above him.

"Roll like a log till you can't no more,

"Hop up quick like there ain't no floor,"

The floor went away from below him, and he jumped across to the other part of the floor that was still there.

"Hold your breath, jump to the left…"

Deadly green gas was sprayed. So Klaus sang while breathing out.

He pulled a lever.

"And that's the Sunny Smile, I swear that's the Sunny Smile, that's the Sunny Smile Dance!" Klaus finished.

Duncan knocked out hooky and ran ahead to Klaus.

"Well done, Scholar. Now open the door," Duncan said in a London accent.

"Sunny!" they exclaimed.

"Uoy emac rof em!" Sunny cried.

(You came for me!)

(Its backwards!)

**Like it? Hate it? Tell me in your review! This chapter wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be, but I hope it was good! L8r!**

**The album that Snicket was talking about was the Owl City Ocean Eyes album.**

**I 3 you!**

**;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey peoplees!! Guess what! My mind is so screwed up or something cause I thought my chapter 11 was my chapter 12! (hits self in the forehead with large dictionary)**

**Klaus: There's my dictionary!! (walks off reading it intently)**

**Anyways- Reviewer peoples to thank from chapter 11!!:**

**TheBaudelaireOrphan  
**

**WhatDaVitamins**

**The Plot Murderes (for chapter one)**

**Plot Murderer #2**

**Mr. Partree**

**I also want to thank all the other peoplees that read this story but didn't review!**

**Disclaimer: I am so bored. So bored. Soooooo bored. Gosh. My sleeping schedule is way past destroyed. It's 4:00 in the morning and not the le-wait a sec… this is a disclaimer!! Ohhh…well then, I don't anything.**

**A Series of Strange Events:**

**Chapter 12:**

**The Berserk Beginning:**

Snicket: Why are you working?! It's 4:00 in the morning!!

Me: Yeah well, I'm BORED. B-O-R-E-D.

Snicket: Go to sleep! What else is their to do?!

Me: Bother you.

Snicket: Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Me: Yes, Now stop asking questions!!

Snicket: Whatever! Good night!!

(Leaves to go to bed…wimp…)

Back at the play…

"SCENE 3!" yelled the deep booming voice.

The judge walks onto the stage. (Justice Strauss)

Then Olaf. (Jerk that needs to die)

"Hey!" yelled Olaf.

Shut up.

The rest of the peoples walked down the 'aisle'.

Violet was on stage with Olaf.

I'm sorry. But I just felt the certain need to get straight to the point.

Quigley who was next to Olaf had to cheer at that very moment.

"Go Olaf. Hooray. Hooray." Says Quigley.

"With more entusiam," Olaf whispered.

Quigley begins yelling in a girly voice, "GO OLAF!!! HOORAY!!! HOORAY!!!"

"Much better," whispered Olaf.

"I'm much better, do do do, do do do do, ooo-oo- wait, sorry," Isadora had sang.

Justice Strauss began, "Olaf. Do you take Violet to be your lawfully wedded wife? Through sickness and health, till death do you part?"

"I d-" Olaf was interrupted.

Justice Strauss continued "Even when she's bossing you around, will you stay?"

"I d-" Olaf was interrupted.

Justice Strauss continued, "Even when you feel like packing your bags-" Now Justice Strauss was interrupted.

Isadora was beat-boxing and Quigley was rapping, "Bagpipes from Baghdad…"

"A-hem," went the Justice Strauss.

"As I was saying-"

"Die!!!! Die!!!!!! Die!!!!!!!!!!!!" Isadora had interrupted Justice Strauss because she was playing an electronic game.

Justice Strauss finally gave up and said, "Alright Olaf, yes or no?"

"Yes."

"Yes or no, Violet?" asked Justice Strauss.

"Yes," Violet said with a gulp.

"Good, now you must sign this 5000 page legal document 5000 times with the hand you usually write with," The judge instructed.

Olaf signed it 10 times, then he got bored, so he handed it over to Violet to sign.

Violet began signing with her left hand.

"Use your right hand!!" Olaf whispered loudly.

"I'm left-handed dumbo person with big flappy ears!!!!!!" screamed Violet, even though she was actually right- handed.

The crowd gasped.

Violet signed it two times, then got bored. So she threw it at Olaf's head.

Olaf grabbed the 5000 page document and yelled, "I did it, I married Violet!!!"

The crowd made a weird noise.

"That's right, the play was real!!! Now _I_ get the Baudelaire fortune!! And there's nothing anyone can do to stop me!!!" yelled Olaf.

"I want to file for a divorce, anyone with me?" asked Violet. Most of the people in the crowd raised their hands.

Back at the tower…

"That's right Sunny, we came for you!" said Klaus.

"Hey, Klaus! Check this out!" Called out Duncan.

There was a movable window thingy shaped like an eye.

(If you have read the book or seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about)

Klaus looked up at the tower, the sun was rising and the light was shining zigzag all the way down to the eye thingy.

(If you have read the book or seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about)

Klaus knew what to do. He aimed the thingy at the document and it set on fire.

Happiness!! Oh yeah!!

Duncan and Klaus and Sunny wanted to get down there as fast as they could. So they threw the Hook Handed Man out the nearest window and jumped out themselves and landed on top of him.

They ran up the 'aisle' and onto the stage.

Everyone's together now…We are family…

Olaf was screaming at the top of his lungs. Lots of bad words came out of his mouth. He screamed a very big word. His hand was burnt.

Tee Hee.

A lawyer stood up, " I object!! These two are not married!! A real marriage is where you _have_ to say _all_ of the vows and stuff and stuff!! _And_ your not supposed to sign the 5000 page document!! _And_-"

"Alright!! We get the picture, they are _not _married!!…Dang it!! Now you got _me_ speaking in Italics!! _See?!_" yelled Duncan.

"I'll get you six kids, even if it's the last thing I do!!!" yelled Olaf as the policemen that I made pop out of nowhere drag him into the police car that I also popped out of nowhere and took him to the nearest horrible jail which I also popped out of nowhere.

"You do realize you have just created a long run on sentence with no punctuation what so ever?" said Klaus.

"Yeah, we know. Who cares?" asked Quigley.

"Aunt Josephine," answered Duncan.

"We're not even at her yet!!" yelled Isadora.

"Whatev, peoplees, the only thing that matters, is that me and Olaf aren't married!!" said Violet.

"gooberflabberdooberdaggerdie," said Sunny. Which either meant 'Yes! And Olaf isn't my brother in-law!' or 'I like pie!"

I'm guessing it's the second one, but Klaus translated the first one…retard…

They all laughed.

Again, I feel a certain need to get to the point.

They had to pack themselves into the back of Mr. Poe's car and drive off.

**_THE END_**

Wait, wait, wait, hold on a minute!! There's supposed to be one more chapter!!

"But the story's over! No more to write about!" complained Isadora.

We'll see…

**Enjoy it? I didn't. It wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. But you can hold on till the next chapter, right? I am gonna try to make it so funny that you will laugh so hard your guts will hurt!! Now I just need some ideas…………………**

**(Note: this chapter was typed up during Chirstmas break. Because of stupid schoolwork and still breakdowness of the other computer, I wasn't able to upload...I Love You!)**

**Review Please!!**

**Peace Out Erbody!!**

**;)**

**Finishing time: 4:55 AM**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 is here!! WOOT! WOOT! And, as I promised, this chapter is hilarious!**

**Reviewers to thank from chappie # 12 :**

**DA, DA, DA, DA, DA!!!!**

**-****TheBaudelaireOrphan****- that's sounds kinda funny :)**

**-****Maevainwen Adaniel**

**-****rattattatta (chapter 1 & 2)**

**-****SilenaBaudelaire**** (chapter 1 even though she read every chapter)- heh…heh…who's Annette?…;)**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ASOUE! I OWN NOTHING! DANG IT, DON'T YOU PEOPLE GET IT?!**

**A Series of Strange Events:**

**Chapter 13:**

**The Berserk Beginning:**

Me: This Ginger Ale makes my tongue hurt.

Snicket: Ginger Ale drinker!

Me: Get away.

Snicket: (Points) Look, a rabbit!

Me: Where?! (Looks away)

Snicket: Nowhere! (Steals my typewriter and runs away)

Me: Dummy. (Uses author powers to get it back)

Snicket: Cheater.

Me: Whatever.

Snicket: Tik Tok.

Me: Chapter 13 starts …………. NOW.

COMMERCIAL FREE CHAPTER!!!

(COMMERCIAL FREE! COMMERCIAL FREE!)

* * *

"Where are we going?" Duncan asked.

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"Oh. Are we there yet?" asked Duncan.

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"Oh. Can we stop and get some burritos?" asked Duncan.

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"How do you not know?! Are you dumb?!" asked Duncan.

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

Duncan glared at Mr. Poe.

"When will Miley get her life straight?" Isadora asked reading People magazine.

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"When will my violet eyes get brighter?" asked Violet.

" I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"Does Frosty have a cell phone?" Quigley asked.

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"Herzeuaphroditepersoicules," Sunny said. Which meant, "Quigley's a retard!"

"I don't know," Mr. Poe answered.

"Ididntaskanythigng," Sunny said. Which meant, "I didn't ask anything!"

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"Doyouhaverainbowveins," Sunny said. Which meant, "Fatty."

"I don't know," answered Mr. Poe.

"What's your name? What's your number?" Klaus sang from Carry Out.

"I don't know. Wait- Klaus, are you alright?" Mr. Poe answered/asked.

YOU PEOPLE ARE THE MOST BORINGEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET!!!!

"Then do something about it," Isadora said.

Alright then…

* * *

Mr. Poe's car crashed into a tree.

"AHH!" everyone screamed.

They all died. No, they didn't. They got out of the car unharmed.

"Awesome. Just awesome," Klaus said sarcastically.

"Klaus! You know better than to think it's awesome for Mr. Poe's car to have crashed!" Duncan said unsarcastically.

"Your reterded," Isadora said to Duncan.

"It's _retarded_, " Quigley corrected.

"Your point?" Isadora asked.

"Hey look! The woods! Let's go in there!" Violet called out.

"Great idea, Violet!" said Mr. Poe.

They all locked arms and skipped into the woods.

"I'm hungry! I gotta run to McDonalds!" Mr. Poe yelled.

Mr. Poe ran to his car. The kids heard a car drive away.

"How's he going to say 'I gotta run' when he's driving?" Duncan asked.

"Duncan, just don't talk," Klaus said.

"Smileyfacesareamazing," Sunny said. Which Violet translated into, "I'm telling you, he should've ran."

After a couple seconds of silence, Violet said, "Well then, let's explore the woods. Klaus, you and Isadora go that way, (Points North) and Quigley, Duncan, me, and Sunny will go that way. (Points East)

Everyone except Violet yelled, "KK!"

They went their separate ways.

* * *

**WITH VIOLET AND HER GROUP…**

"Sigh. Sigh. Sigh! SSSSIII-" Duncan was saying.

"What the heck do you want?!" Quigley asked interrupting him.

"Something to do would be nice!" Duncan answered. I'm sick of that word. _**ANSWERED**_.

Anyways, you guys are outta luck, 'cause I'm bored too.

"Letssingasong!" Sunny suggested which Violet translated into, "Let's sing a song!" and then she said, "No thanks, I'm fine."

"It's all you fault we wasted all our free time alone!!" Duncan yelled at Quigley. Quigley raised his eyebrows.

"Hey, look! Free whistle!" Duncan yelled picking up a whistle off the dirty ground. He put it to his mouth to blow it.

"What are you doing?!" Quigley yelled and snatched the whistle out of Duncan's hands.

"It's not what I'm doing, it's what I was about to do. And I was about to blow that whistle!" Duncan yelled.

"Duncan! You know better than that! Actually, you don't. Carry on!" Violet cried out mad. Then happily.

Quigley began yelling again, "And you want to be a reporter! You're a disgrace to reporters around the world!"

"…nuh-uh…GIMME THAT WHISTLE!!" Duncan yelled, reaching for the whistle.

"No!" Quigley shouted.

"Let me see that whistle, Quigley," Violet said.

"Ok," Quigley handed her the whistle.

"Oh yeah! Give it to _her_!!" Duncan yelled.

"Whoa! Look at the weird creatures on it!!" Violet cried out.

"Ooo! Let me see!" Duncan pleaded.

Then Violet said ignoring Duncan, "Hey, there are some engraved words on it! It says 'Whistle and I'll Come'."

"Eh! Lemme see!" Duncan pleaded some more.

"Let me see that," Quigley said taking the whistle. Then he said, "Hey! I once read this book, and it was about a whistle that looked just like this. If anyone blew it, a half human half animal would come and eat the blower of the whistle and everyone around him."

"OOO! GIMME IT!" Duncan said, finally snatching it away. He put it up to his mouth.

"No! We're not supposed to blow it!" Quigley yelled at Duncan.

"Of course _we're_ not supposed to blow it. Only one person can blow it!" Duncan said, feeling like he had smarticle particles.

"Yeah, Quigley," Violet agreed.

Quigley smacked his forehead and said, "Just blow it."

So Duncan blew the whistle with great uber happiness. Then, after about…8 seconds? Yeah, 8 seconds. After about 8 seconds, a big half human half animal monster was standing in front of them all. The whistle dropped out of Duncan's mouth. He picked up a twig and began poking saying, " Die. Die. Die."

"RAWR!" the monster roared.

"Heygirlyouknowyoudrivemecrazy," Sunny said. Which meant, "Love you too!" I'm sick of that word too. _**WHICH**_.

"Something smells like soap," Violet pointed out.

"Uh, obviously, the monster isn't going to go away," Quigley also pointed out, quivering.

"Dove soap?" Violet asked, wondering what the mysterious soap smell smelled like. Soap brand wise.

"Youpeopleesartesoweirdhsfxmo," Sunny said. Which meant, "I'll show you scardy cats how it's done."

Sunny crawled up to the monster and bit it's little toe. The monster ran away whining.

"Aww, the smells gone," Violet replied sadly.

"Whew! That was a close one!" Quigley said relieved. Apparently, he was the only one that was scared of it. Maybe it was because he read the book. I personally do not know.

Anyways, Duncan said, "Really? I don't get it," which was a reply to Quigley's comment.

"Bloblebla," Sunny said. Which meant, "Thank you for saving our lives, Sunny! Don't mention it you guys!"

Violet translated.

Everyone but Sunny said in a dull voice, "Thank you for saving our lives, Sunny."

"Jibberflabbergibberdabber," Sunny said. Which meant, "Don't mention it you guys!"

The three children began walking again. Well, technically two, since Violet was carrying Sunny.

* * *

"I hope you know that it was a bad idea to put Klaus and Isadora and send them off alone, Violet," Duncan said.

"Are you serious?" Violet asked.

"Yeah. Even _Duncan_ knows that. Besides, the next time we see them, they could be making out under a tree," Quigley said.

"Are you serious?!"

"Whoa! How'd you know that, Quigley?" Duncan asked, impressed.

"What do you mean?" Quigley asked.

Duncan pointed, and there were Klaus and Isadora under a tree. Making out.

It was a little disturbing. Ick.

"Whoa…" said Violet.

"Whoa now…" said Quigley.

"Yabbadabbadoo…" said Sunny. Which meant, "That's hot…"

"Sunny!" Duncan yelled while covering Sunny's eyes, "You shouldn't be watching that!"

Duncan's yelling spasm made Klaus and Isadora jump.

"Hey guys, Isadora's my girlfriend now," Klaus said as if nothing had happened.

"Oh. And when did you decide on that?" Violet asked.

"Just now," Isadora answered.

"Ah," Quigley said.

"Well. Thanks to you two," Duncan started, pointing to Klaus and Isadora, "I have a picture stuck in my head!"

Everyone stared at him.

Silence.

"So what was the point of exploring the woods anyways?" asked Duncan to anyone who would answer.

"Oh, I don't know. I was just bored," Violet answered.

Duncan glared at Violet.

*&^&*

Mr. Poe pulls up in his car and stops in front of the kids.

"How dare you refer to us as _kids_," Duncan said to me.

This is coming from a guy who is obsessed with burritos.

"Shut up! Who asked you?!" Duncan yelled.

"Get in the car kids. I'm taking you to your Uncle Monty's," Mr. Poe said.

"We're not kids!" Duncan yelled.

Shut up! Who asked you?!

The kids-

"Stop!" Duncan yelled. Again.

Shut up, Duncan! Anyways, the kids-

"Ok, you're doing that on purpose now!"

Ok then! How about I call you _babies_ and I bring little diapers for you! And I'll force you to change you to change your diaper because you're a baby! And I'll bring little toy keys that little babies play with!

"Burn…" Quigley said.

"No, no, no. 'Kids' is good…" Duncan finally agreed.

That's what I thought.

K, so. The kids packed themselves in Mr. Poe's car the same way they did at the beginning of the story.

"We are squished like sardines!!!" Quigley yelled in the crowded car.

"No yelling in the crowded car!!!" Mr. Poe yelled in the crowded car.

"Ugh, not this again," Violet complained.

"Can we _please_ get a burrito?!" Duncan yelled in the crowded car.

"What part of 'No yelling in the crowded car!' do you not understand?! And no burrito!" Mr. Poe yelled in the crowded car.

"Look for the bare necessities. The simple bare necessities. Forget about your worries and your-" Quigley sang.

Quigley was interrupted by Isadora who said, "Just don't sing."

Duncan began singing too, "Tik Tok on the clock, but I don't get no burrito no!"

"Please stop singing!" Violet begged.

"La, la, la, la! La, la, la, la! Duncan's world!" Klaus sang.

"Not you too!" Isadora whined.

Mr. Poe's phone starts ringing.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Quigley asked.

Mr. Poe answered his phone and began talking to the person at the other end of the line, "Stop calling, stop calling, I don't wanna talk anymore, I left my head and my heart at McDonald's! My telephone keeps ringing! I'm up in the car and I'm driving so far, you're not gonna reach my telephone. I'm up in the car and I'm driving so far you're not gonna reach my telephone! My telephone! No, it's not that I don't like you, I'm just kinda busy. And I am sick and tired of my phone ringing. Sometimes I feel like I live in Grand Central Station. And I ain't takin' no calls 'cause I'll be driving!

Good-bye!" (hangs up)

"Burn..." mumbled Quigley.

"Clingy wives…" Mr. Poe said to himself shaking his head.

"Tell me about it…" Duncan said.

Everyone looks at Duncan weird.

* * * * * * * *

"Hey, kids! We're here!" Mr. Poe exclaimed.

Then everyone said dully, "Greeeaat..."

_**THE END**_

"So it's over? Just like that?" Duncan asked, snapping his fingers.

Yup. But there's gonna be a sequel.

"Oh, ok. 'Cause, I thought our lives ended here," Duncan said relieved.

No. There's a sequel.

"Good-bye! Until next time!" yelled everyone (and me) ;).

_**THE END!!**_

**You know what? The story is over. It's finally over. It's like happiness and sadness at the same time. But mostly sadness. So before I end my last author's note in this story, I'm just gonna let you know that instead of telling me what you liked about this chapter, tell me what you liked about the STORY. And I gots a connfession. I was somewhat _tipsy _when I typed up that Tell Me Something I Don't Know story. (Glass of mama's wine...sshhh...) Welp, be sure to read my next story! The title is: A Series of Strange Events II. The actual name of the story is something I haven't decided yet. So...yeah. Laterz!**

**Luv ya's!!**

**;)**


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